ge mig frid

Víðarr holds her as she sobs, his arms wrapped tightly, yet tenderly around her shaking frame. Tove’s body melts into his bigger one and she buries her face in his fur as her tears soak his shadowy coat. She lets out everything that she has been holding in and, for the first time since Bodin died, she actually grieves. Emotions roll through her, crashing with all the force of a wave against a breaker as she drowns underneath it all. Everything falls away until all that is left is an empty abyss. Yet, in the darkness, a sound pulls at the fringes of her mind, calling her back to the world and the person who is holding her.

It may not be a lullaby but the older wolf knows it something purely Víðarr, something that is a part of him and that he is giving to her. Slowly, the world resolves and the sobs finally slow, allowing Tove to speak of how she had loved him and he admits that he had loved her too. The knowledge hurts and yet is validating at the same time, knowing that he had felt the same is a small boon to her wounded spirit. But those days are gone and, with each passing minute, they feel further out of reach than they ever had. The shadow speaks of dealing with raw emotions and how they are not to be loved and a small, harsh laugh escapes.

Pulling away from him slightly, Tove swipes a paw across her eyes, angrily trying to rid her face of the weakness the tears show. His next words have her stilling as fresh emotions roll through her; happiness, joy, relief all wash through her. It was all she had wanted when she had been in his band but now that the offer is there... she hesitates. Duel-toned eyes look up, catching his gaze as she tries to read his face, the need to find something hidden in there that shows he doesn’t really mean them suddenly overwhelming her. But there is nothing to convince her that he does not mean every word and she allows her paw back to settle back on the earth as she quietly contemplates his offer.

The tears no longer fall but there is still heaviness around her as Tove looks to the ground, leaning back into him while searching her heart for the answer. Finally, her gravelly, hushed voice breaks the silence as she simply says, “No.” While everything in her screams for her to accept his offer, the older, broken woman cannot do that to him. After a moment, a sigh rolls out and she moves to disengage from the touch she had craved for so long. Unable to look him in the eye, she says, “You deserve better. I am scarred and broken and will live out my remaining days trying to be useful to my pack.”

It is wall, an attempt to block Víðarr from her heart by mentioning the pack she has sworn fealty to. Truthfully, she wants the shadow to find happiness and love… even if that not with her. Finally, she meets his eyes offering a sad smile as she says, “Find someone who makes you smile and give her a chance to make you happy. You deserve more than you think, Víðarr.” A heavy sorrow hangs around Tove as she turns to leave, the need to slink back into the hole she had crawled out of overwhelms the broken woman.

After a couple steps, she stops to look back at the shadow, sorrow and longing written into every line of her face as she says, “I love you, Víðarr.” It is an admission to herself and to him but also a way of letting him know that, because she loves him, she will not inflict her miserable existence on him anymore. More tears fall but Tove quickly snaps her head around and moves to leave, allowing the shadow the opportunity to get on with his life… without her.

-exit Tove unless stopped-


"Tove Baade"