Who Will Falter, Who Will Conquer

She was at least able to get her bearings as he fired back, still tears but controlled. Just the same as she was with Manea. But she could look back up at him. She could let him know she was listening without showing it any other way. She could let him know it hurt her regardless of how much more she felt it hurt him. She waited for her turn, staying where she laid on the furs of her den tense from the emotion and shock in her. She still wasn't scared of him though. She never would be.

"I'm sorry for all of it, everything. I hate myself Alastor." She took a breath in, a silent whimper as the truth came out. "I can't be everything I want for you. What I want, for us." It was really too much for her to put into words. She made a quick pause, looking away from him showing that struggle of what she didn't even know what to say. Pale eyes looked back at his hardened ones, "I still love you Alastor. I will always love you. But even in another life we were never meant to be this way." That was clear to her now. Had she been older, had they been together before he met Manea, she felt like nothing would be different. She'd still be here childless for the father she knew him so well to be. She saw him. And had it been allowed she'd never be able to give this to him.

She faltered, nose twitching as she held back more. She considered letting it go, forgetting it. But at this point, she wanted all or nothing between them. She came clean. "I need you to know now, this isn't the first time. Before Summer, before you came to stay with me." The short time they lived together weighed heavily on her soul, almost fully that life she wanted with him. But he was still in for Manea, he always will be. She expected nothing less. "I would have kept it from you until I fucking died had you not been with me this time. I didn't want to have this loss with you. There's a fine line with you and me and you and your actual life. I can't keep living in this place in your life but I don't know how else I can be without you." Was this the end? Everything was slipping out from under her, she was prepared to lose it all but she was on the edge of what kept her here alive. She didn't want him to leave her as much as she was suffering in the relationship they had.

"Relm"