Even the best laid plans

Hearing Ikigai’s sobs and her cry of how their children were done cut threw him like a knife. Even though he knew without her having to say it still hurt all the more hearing his mate’s anguish. It was maybe the only thing that could have cut through his own emotions and kept him focused to prevent him from storming off in some sort of rage fueled rampage so in some twisted way he was grateful for her gripping to him and her endless string of apologies. She kept him tethered here, mentally and physically, as he held onto her and she held on to him.

He shushed her gently at her apologies, cradling her while she sobbed and they mourned their loss together. “It’s not your fault,” he rumbled quietly every time she said she was sorry, vehemently denying her self placed blame. He wished that there was something or someone other than a dead bear to point the blame at, but there wasn’t. Fate had given them everything and in the same breath had taken it all away. Still, he could never blame her. The only thing she had done wrong was be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The only bit of guilt he could find to put on her was the fact that she hadn’t been able to defend herself, but that thought quickly turned back on himself as he shamed himself for not teaching and preparing her.

As her sobs began to settle and she mentioned how they needed to get home, he nodded quietly in agreement. Already there was dread in his gut at the thought of having to return home to face his family and share this loss and defeat with them so soon after sharing the first thing he had to be proud of. He had been about to get up when she stopped him, asking for him to hold her for a little longer. Wordlessly, his large forelegs wrapped around her more snuggly and his head tucked down over hers, wrapping her up as much as he could manage. The scarred man stared out over the empty, snowy landscape as he held like that for a time, feeling empty as the rage fizzled out into a low, dull ache.

Eventually, the cold began to even get to him and make him shiver so he carefully began to unwind himself from Ikigai, but he didn’t go far. He gently shifted and rolled onto his stomach and then lifted and pulled her onto his back. He made sure that her forelegs were around his neck, one of his paws clasping hers and making sure her dexterous toes were gripping his fur. “Don’t let go.” Deimos got to his feet then, but before he could walk away he noticed the bloody mess in the snow behind them. “Don’t look,” he insisted firmly. “Just keep your face in my scruff for a minute.” He didn’t turn until he felt her do so and then he moved toward the remnants of their would be children, his expression grim as he began to carefully burry it in the thick layer of snow. It was the best be could do with what little resources and time he had, but it hardly satisfied what he wanted to give them. With that done he finally began to retrace his steps to retreat back to their home with Ikigai on his back, not stopping until he had her safely back in their den.

"Deimos & Ikigai"