born for burning
tenshi
Knight
Fitness Coach
03-16-2023, 07:46 AM
Burying those feelings has consequences. His words ring in her ears. A short huff of a laugh allows her chest to lurch for a moment. Closing her eyes softly, she gives her head a shake. Not in disagreement, but rather she agreed. "I have spent many nights alone wondering that," her accented words are lowered as she finally reopens her steel gaze. Too many nights alone. She is not used to that. Before arriving here on the island, before the tragedy that had fallen her family, she had spent every night curled up in a pile of puppies and her loved one. Oh, she missed him. The way his thick fur felt against her cheek as she rested her chin over his shoulders. Every night she spent alone, the more her heart closed off. Feelings she thought she had for Hattori were out of mere loneliness. She believed that if maybe she allowed herself some grace, some room to believe that she could fall again, that maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. But the ice that surrounded her cold heart would not melt, no matter the time she spent down in that balmy, warm, and wet bamboo maze. The only one she was fooling was herself. Not even Hattori believed her feelings to be honest and she was glad for it. She could feel her teeth grind together as she pushed the well of emotions down. A memory of them, her and Vidarr, atop that waterfall resurfaces instead. What had she told him then? What had she felt in her chest? That passion. The hatred. The ignition to light a blaze so high it would envelop all of Auster. Where had that gone? Why had she settled so quickly? While she was thankful for the company that Tojo-kai had brought, they were not her family. They were not who she was meant to spend the rest of her life with. But would she be better off alone? The answer to that was always no. Why do you stay? Vidarr knew the right things to say. Tenshi sighs as she looks away from the willows and again at him. Meeting those icy blue eyes that were so alike to hers, she feels her skin shudder. "Because I fear being alone," the admittance is full of shame, regret, and disgust. The journey to these continents, the journey to the south to find the Hattori who was believed to be dead, all of it had struck a cord in her heart. All it did was remind her of how alone she was and after he allowed her to stay, she welcomed the company faster than anything. She had enjoyed the giggle of pups and the chatter of others. The noise of the pack had allowed her to forget her true feelings. But what was so bad about being alone? Why had she not given herself time to be alone more? Was it simply complacency that left her longing to be embraced by someone? To allow herself to settle somewhere she didn't belong because going to bed at night alone was terrifying. How could one not call her a fucking coward? There were plenty of wolves in Tojo-kai now that they didn't need her. Sedna was a magnificent healer and Fuji was on her way to becoming just as great. The new girl, Kiriko, was spirited and lovely. Raijin was pleasant, the boys, Usagi and Kuroo, weren't going anywhere either and neither would Askell. Their numbers were small now that most of the pups had gone off on their own, but they still had numbers. Would Hanzo miss her? Would he ask her to stay? Part of her knew that he wouldn't care. Part of her knew that she was lying to herself. That she shouldn't have settled and let herself believe that he could open himself up to liking her. She was of the mountains, the cold and ice. He was of Iga, royalty and grace. They were from two completely different worlds that were not meant to mesh. Where had she gone wrong? What had she done to deserve this? Why was she allowing it? "If I left, I would not know where to go," she finally adds as she holds his gaze steady. |
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