The sound of a heart shattering is the loudest thing you'll never hear

Bellamy · 07-19-2023, 10:12 AM

To say Bellamy had lost herself to her grief would be an understatement. For so long she had relied on Gavroche to ground her, to be there, to hold her together when she started to lose who she was. She had been used to dealing with physical wounds; she had dealt with them long before she had met her late mate. She had even believed that she didn’t deserve anyone outside of her companions, that she would lose them, just as she had lost her family. Even in Winterfell it had been hard for her to connect to others, with the exception of Acere. Bellamy had felt as though she did not belong anywhere… at least until she met one special, tiny man.

Gavroche had seemed so helpless, so weak, and a scourge to his family because of a mutation he hadn’t even asked for. He did not deserve their hate, just as she hadn’t deserved her family to be stolen away, nor the pain that the Kedieo line had brought to her. It was an ironic twist of fate that the two of them were both to be executed before the Empire by Gavroche’s family. She could recall just how terrified he had been, shaking and crying, and yet he still tried to make sure she was alright first. How could anyone, let alone his own kin, could have determined such a sweet natured man to be a curse?

Bellamy shifted upon the damp earth and allowed herself to close her eyes. This time, rather than see Gavroche’s end, she was able to picture her mate’s smile, feel the warmth and love that he had given her throughout their time together. Within her chest it seemed that Bellamy’s heart continued to sink, falling to new, impossible lows. The woman was heartbroken, her world shattered not once, but twice now, and in a way she felt could never be repaired. Gavroche had been such an important part of her world, and now, with things as they were, she would never, ever meet him the same way again. She drew in a shuddering breath, trying to steady herself.

Bellamy hadn’t felt so helpless in a long, long time. She had never quite felt this level of emotional anguish before. Losing her parents and sisters had hurt, yes, but this, this was something that cut deeper than that. It went past her heart, wounding her very spirit. She longed for the man she had fallen in love with, her soulmate, only able to visit the place where his body was laid to rest. But his spirit wasn’t here. The memories he had of their time together wasn’t here. She let her eyes open, if only slightly, fresh tears stinging them as the rain continued to fall down around her.

She was not the only one in Ethne grieving. Bellamy knew that. She and Gavroche had brought six beautiful children into the world, adopting two others, and just as she cried for him their children too felt the loss of the sweet winged man. But unlike Bellamy, who had been so consumed by her grief, her children were learning to carry on, to mourn and keep up their tasks throughout the day as Gav would have wanted them to. That too brought Bellamy pain. She could not shake her grief, and rather than being able to push through, it weighed heavily on her, like a wet blanket that sought to suffocate her and bring about her end. A part of Bellamy wished for that but there was another part that knew even in death this pain would linger. What did it matter which realm she was in, if Gavroche was not able to be by her side?

She had been lost to herself, unaware that her daughter had even approached until Hay was moving to draw close. Bellamy did not resist her daughter’s efforts, welcoming them. She had chosen to be alone, but the woman desperately needed others right now to help with the pain. The weight that the woman felt drew back, if only a little, before her dearest Haydée’s presence. Bellamy would let Hay settle and draw closer to her, using a forelimb to draw her daughter close as she squeezed her eyes shut. A whine, louder now, fell from her lips as the woman’s ears pressed flat against her skull. She needed help, and she needed help desperately. And who better than the tiny femme before her? Hay had inherited so many of Gavroche’s positive traits… could her daughter’s love be what saved her?

Minutes pass in silence, Bellamy simply holding on to her daughter. She feels her tears as they continue to form, mingling with the rain. In the past the woman would hesitate to show such weakness, but now… there is no point in hiding anymore. She is suffering, mourning the loss of someone she had loved with everything she had, and gave her all that back and more. When Bellamy feels some courage return to speak she shifts a little, her voice raw with emotion. “Your father is not suffering.” She does not know if Hay has seen Lucette and Bae-Syl’s family, if she had seen the tiny winged male among them. Her heart pangs in her chest and Bellamy shifts slightly, drawing in a shuddering breath.

“In Foi, it is said that when a pure spirit is stolen away by the wicked, they are offered a second chance. A… a new life. They will look the same, but their memories… they…” A heavy sigh passed her lips. “Your sister had a litter recently… and… your father was reborn among them.” She should have been happy, shouldn’t she? Gavroche was given a second chance at life, a chance to make new memories and experience the love he should have had in the first place. But… he would never recognize her as his mate again. He would see her not even as a stranger, as someone he could develop those feelings for, but family, and that same level of love could never come from him again. Bellamy shuddered. “He… He’ll have a new chance… he’ll grow up with love…” Her voice started to crack, more of those pesky tears forming, blurring her vision.

“He won’t remember his past life… won’t… remember… us…” The last words were spoken in a broken whisper as Bellamy hugged her daughter tighter. She did not want to acknowledge that the Gavroche she knew was gone. He would not remember his pain, and she should have been thankful for that, but knowing he would never remember the love they shared, to see his children as his own, hurt her worse than any physical wound ever could. That blanket returned, and this time, its weight felt heavier than ever. Bellamy was sure that if she wasn’t holding onto her little one at that moment she would have lost herself. She was falling… and she didn’t know when it would stop, how to make it stop, or if it ever would.

"Speech" 'Thought.'

Login
Username:
Password:	Lost Password?
	Remember me

The sound of a heart shattering is the loudest thing you'll never hear

Haydee

Bellamy