The sound of a heart shattering is the loudest thing you'll never hear

Bellamy

As she lay there, the words she needed to say slipping from her maw, Bellamy could feel her very soul wanting to shatter into a million pieces. But even as those fragments tried to slip away there was something that held them together; Haydée. Bellamy was grateful for her daughter’s presence, for the love she showed even as Bellamy fell to the weakest state she’d been to in her life. The tears that Bellamy had been holding back came forth now as the floodgates opened, the truth of what weighed on her heart and mind laid before her daughter. Hay not only held Bellamy together, both physically and literally as she laid curled with her, she took those tears away, licking them away just as her father would have done if he were still alive. The gentle action brought forth a soft whine from the older woman as she looked upon her little one. Haydée wasn’t so little anymore… She was becoming a young adult. Strong, beautiful, surely Gavroche would have been proud of her. Bellamy knew she was. The femme drew in a shuddering breath, looking into her daughter’s eyes as her daughter made efforts to comfort her.

In her heart Bellamy knew that Hay’s words were the truth. Had Gavroche retained his memories of them, of the life he lived before, it would have made his transition much harder in being reborn. At least now he would not suffer, would not remember the pain that was unjustly brought onto him. From the man that took his life to the grandmother that tried to maim him, Gavroche would remember none of that pain. That knowledge should have eased her own, shouldn’t it? Should have made her happy for Gav, to know that he would know love, gentleness, and be cherished from day one like the treasure he was. Was it selfish for her to feel this way? To feel so lost, so empty without the man she loved by her side. Gavroche had a new start and Bellamy could not figure out how to carry on without him. He had been her stability, a source of love that she had desperately needed in her life. She had only known him for a part of their adult lives but she hadn’t realized just how reliant she had become on the tiny winged man.

The rain around them continued to fall, chilling the already freezing woman. Bellamy squeezed her eyes closed, only now becoming aware of the cold as she drew closer to her daughter and pressed her head against her child’s brown fur. “I know…” Her words are quiet, barely a whisper. But… How could memories be enough? They were not someone she could hold, someone she could laugh with… Her heart ached in her chest. She missed Gavroche. She wanted him here, she needed him. When did she become so reliant on that sweet smile? Those gentle words of reassurance? His scent? His voice? Picking up and carrying on without him meant accepting he was gone, didn’t it? But… Bellamy didn’t want to believe it. Even after she had carried his tattered remains back to Ethne… even as she dug through frozen ground, tearing up her paws to lay him to rest… even as she lay here on top of his grave some small part of her prayed that she would wake up and the nightmare would be over. She’d wake up to find him safe at her side, and he’d smile at her like he always did. A broken sob left her lips, and Bellamy clung onto Hay tighter.

She swallowed hard, struggling to bridge the gap between reality and the delusion she hoped for. “Hay… I can’t… I… I can’t…” Bellamy had begun shaking, a mixture of emotion and cold rocking her form. “...I can’t do this…” Her voice is quieter now, broken. Her mind is scrambling, desperately trying to gather itself as she begins to panic, overwhelmed with guilt and grief. She draws back, shaking her head back and forth. She is unable to see Haydée’s eyes, but she can feel that her daughter is there. That she has not abandoned her. Bellamy whines again, ears flat against her skull. “I’m sorry…” The tears come full force now, and not even the rain can hope to hide them. “I didn’t want you to take Ethne like this… I… I just can’t do this anymore, Hay…” The woman tries to breathe in and out, but it’s hard. It’s so hard. “I can’t do this without Gav…” A confession falls from her lips. Her head turns, away from her daughter, motioning in the direction of a pack they are friendly with.

“I… The Hallows… the castle…” The she wolf takes another breath. “We are friendly with them… a place for healing…” The full meaning of her words doesn’t want to form, but she is sure that Hay will understand. She looks back to her daughter, a deep sorrow in her gaze. “Alex… your brother… he... ...doesn’t know…” She confesses. In her grief she had been unable to send word to her son. “He’s with Corbie, in Avalon… Tell him…” The woman closes her eyes again, shivering once more. “I… I’m sorry…” Once more an apology falls from Bellamy’s lips as she lowers her head. This was not how she wanted to pass the pack off to Haydée. They were hurting, needing to recover from one of the most stinging losses they could endure. And now her daughter not only had to stop her from crumbling, but the responsibility of sharing this news anew to her brother… Bellamy whined again. “I’m so, so sorry… you.. you must lead us...”

"Speech" 'Thought.'

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Thread		Forum	From	To
1.	The sound of a heart shattering is the loudest thing you'll never hear	Lazuli Falls	12:58 PM, 07-15-2023	06:05 AM, 11-05-2023

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The sound of a heart shattering is the loudest thing you'll never hear

Haydee

Bellamy