Crux was very aware of her moving closer, Cryptis choosing to close the distance he'd made sure to give her. He couldn't help but smile warmly. For the whirlwind his mind seemed to be he was glad she was comfortable enough for that and he visibly relaxed a bit more, sinking deeper into his position. She asked if he knew much about herbs and Crux flashed her a quick quizzical look when she said she was trying to re-learn but considering how often he felt like he didn't retain anything he was learning he explained his confusion away and responded by shrugging. It was a bad habit of his to down play himself and he was doing it again. "Some? It's hard, we have other healers who have been absolutely amazing but they're also really busy. I'm not where I'd like to be." Halo had children to look after, and both his sister's had other duties beyond those of a medic to take care of... It wasn't even really Gossamer's job and Aris also had children on top of keeping on top of her form since she was also a fighter... Even then he still placed the majority of his displeasure with his knowledge on himself. He should have started sooner, figured all this out earlier... Maybe- He clamped down on the wisps of thought that were trying to summon the image of his mother. Not the time, and certainly not the place.
Luckily the topic was shifted and he glanced back at his leg. A half chuckle, half huff leaving his lungs. "You'd think you'd stop getting surprised, but even being born with it... It still finds ways to suddenly destabilize me." This time he actually chuckled. "Pun very much intended." He very much disliked the looks of sympathy, of horror he'd gotten from those meeting him the first time. Nothing worst than the too long stares though and he'd learned it was often easier to lift that tension for them, just one more thing he was expected to do for them. Make them feel comfortable. No no don't worry, I'm one of the good ones. You can stare it's fine. He hated it, hated even more that he still got it from his family sometimes. Maybe that was why he liked the few times he got to commiserate with Kyanite. They couldn't know what the other's life was like, not really but they could share in the frustration, could vent about being treated with kid gloves... Once upon a time he'd had another sister to share in the frustration with, a hole in his life he doubted would ever be filled.
But the joke he'd just given, hadn't been for her. It had been for him. Because at the end of the day this was him, would always be him. And he was okay with that. "But to an extent I've never known anything else so is it really betrayal when I'm the one who keeps forgetting?" Crux tossed her a wink. "Without it I'd not be me. At the end of the day I want to like who I am." Oh he was a mess for sure, full of anxiety and worry and unearned guilt but he wasn't sure he'd even be the same person if he hadn't had some paths closed from him. Maybe he was the only one who felt that way but he'd had more than enough time to think on what his disability meant for him, and he'd realized that no matter what anyone said it was part of him and he could either hate himself for the rest of his life or he could make his peace and learn to forgive himself a bit more when he was less able than those around him. Just a tiny bit. He was working on it.
"If that makes sense?" Crux looked at her a little anxiously, suddenly doubting that she'd understand. They weren't the same but neither were he and Kite, so he would hold out some hope. He certainly didn't want to seem like he was downplaying anything she went through.
