What hurts the most

His father held him close, and Charlie felt his anger waver in the hug. He felt the tears. His father did not make noise, nor shake, but he knew his grief. It caused his heart to sink in his chest. His ears would lower as Sirius confessed what happened. The yearling scolded himself for letting his emotions flare like that… but he wasn’t sure he’d consider what Sirius had done in that moment a true mistake. To see his son with someone pierced as their enemy, to see his son bested… Charlie gave a soft sigh, close to his dad, giving the man the time he needed. He would be there for Seer no matter what. His strength was listening and observing but… maybe he had failed Dread too. He hadn’t seen that his brother felt different.

“You’re not the only one who missed that.” His voice had quieted. “I did some training lessons with him. I never knew.” Regret washed over him. “...all the same… I don’t know if I’d expected you to do differently given the circumstances you arrived at after the raid.” Charlie hugged his dad a bit tighter. “It was a quick decision… filled with the heat of the moment… but I think out of worry it could put the rest of us in danger…” Maybe if he had paid attention to more of his family, they wouldn’t be missing several members now. If his father had failed them, then he wasn’t the only one. They were all to blame.

The yearling offered the Warlord his support, his understanding. He thought of what Deluge had said. Maybe… maybe he should try to reach out to Dread. If he saw her again, he’d have to ask her about his brother. For being an enemy, she hadn’t harmed him, even when they were alone. In fact, she had been different but as close to kind as he’d expect a stranger to be. If not a bit more so. Maybe it would be worth bringing up another point to Sirius later, but now was not the time to address such things. This moment was for them, to manage grief, and when Charlie heard the next words his heart clutched in his chest.

“I know dad. Me too.” His expression softened. “Her loss hurt all of us… but I know it hurt you the most. You had the most time with her.” Years of bonds and trials together. Charlie took in a breath, continuing to speak. “From what I remember about mom, she only wanted to see all of us safe and happy… and… …and you’ve been trying to be strong for all of us. Hold a pack together, a family together, raise a slew of young pups… when you haven’t been given the proper time to grieve. The time we spent at the Hallows helped, but you don’t just get over a loss like that in a season or two.” If he still missed her, he couldn’t imagine the pain his father had. They had more than one litter together. Years of their lives.

“I wish I could do more to take that pain away from you.” Charlie confessed. “From all members of our family.” Her let his eyes slide closed. He was sure his mom would be mourning too, if only she had known what had happened between his brother and father. “It is okay to grieve.” Charlie told him. “...and I think it's okay to live life, too. Mom wouldn’t want to see you like this. If you find a way to be happier, I think you should take it.” No one would ever replace Zee, but he doubted she would expect the Warlord to stand on his own for the rest of his days. He was older, but he was not knocking on death’s door. He needed others by his side. Charlie opened his eyes once more. Tears were pricked in them, but the yearling had one more thing to say.

“Even if you make mistakes, I’m going to be here to support you. If you need someone to lean on, you can lean on me. I don’t have the experience to stand as a secondary at your side, but I’m here to do what I can, no matter the rank I’m in. I love you, dad, and I don’t want you to change.” Even as the Warlord his father needed support. No wolf could handle everything alone.

"Speech," 'Thought.'