I've Become so Numb

Sirius turned to her and motioned for the other to leave. Sparrow stood silent like a shadow, her eyes steady on his despite their glassy glaze. It had been a while, and surely now with all the sharpness of her body from the lost weight and close-cropped fur, she looked less the jolly troublemaker than ever. Her expression held no glint, no semblance of the floppy smile that once remained plastered to it.

She didn't have any expectations and yet when Sirius opened his maw, her world spun. "You were the one that found her," was all it took, and Sparrow was back there again. Her paws holding the cooling body of the ghastly woman, her face pressed into her cheek. She could still smell her, her scent mixed with the overwhelming metallic odor of her own blood. There was so much blood. Sparrow was no stranger to blood, but not this much from someone she loved. She wanted to scoop it all up and somehow shove it all back where it belonged. She stayed with the woman until her body had gone cold and stiff and someone had pulled her away. She didn't remember now. She only remembered the smell and the cooling damp fur against her face.

Several moment passed as Sparrow was in another world. She stood on locked legs, her eyes looking somewhere in a different time and place. She stilled, frozen in time and unaware to the happenings around her for some time. Then, eventually, something in her stirred and she managed a cracked, "Yes," that was barely a whisper. She hadn't come back mentally yet, not fully, so she repeated, "Yes," unsure if she had already said it. She did this a few more times over the course of several minutes, unsure if she was saying it or if Seer had heard her each time. But each time, she said it a little louder and a little more steady as she slowly pulled herself back to the present.

Finally, she blinked and felt her stomach lurch, physically doubling to keep it from spilling its contents. She kept herself there for a moment, scared it would happen again and scared more to know someone else was seeing her. "I found her," Sparrow rasped against a ragged breath. "I held her." Her brow knitted. She wanted to feel again, but not like this. Every time she slept she saw this, she felt this. She took a swig of her alcoholic crutch and leveled at Seer once again and not without effort. "What. do. you. know?"