Bellamy had been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of processing Gavroche’s loss and how things in the world were now. She knew with each passing day her dear daughter was without her advice as the Leader of Ethne. Haydee needed her. Her other children needed her. Bellamy drew in a breath, a sigh escaping her lips. She hadn’t been able to get this far on her own. Her dreams, visions she believed from the Goddess, seemed to be attempts to reassure her that though her Gav was gone, that was okay. He wasn’t in pain. He didn’t remember that suffering, any suffering. The more had the dream, the more she had begun to accept that what Gavroche had become was good. She loved him, Divinities she still loved him, but the only thing she had wanted for him had been given to her sweet mate. That life of love, that second chance. But the dreams alone weren’t enough.
The other parts of her healing came in a combination from the kindness of Artorias and his wolves… and meeting with Acere. Seeing the winter king had helped reassure Bellamy of the light after death, and she believed his ability to shape his afterlife was a blessing from the Divinities. He brought her comfort, reassurance, and offered understanding and that companionship just as he had when he was alive. They weren’t so different, after all. Both of their mates would not be met in the afterlife they would come to know. But… that was okay. Even though she would eventually go before her children, Divinities willing, she would not be alone. Acere would be waiting for her, someone that would still be there. Bellamy felt something else stir within. Feelings that had once bloomed in her chest were reawakened in that state between life and death with Ace.
…was it wrong to feel that spark of hope? Of love? Was it a betrayal to Gavroche’s memory? An act of spitting on Acere’s mate’s memory? Bellamy frowned, furrowing her brow in thought. She… didn’t want to be alone. And with Acere she would not be alone. But could she hide those feelings of adoration, of the respect and hope he gave her? Did she want to? Bellamy bit her lip. She hadn’t even noticed the arrival of a tiny bundle of fur. It wasn’t until she heard a voice, and his whine, that Bellamy looked down.
Her eyes widened with shock. Gav?! What was he doing here? Bellamy drew in a slow breath, trying to calm herself. She couldn’t smell Lucette or Bae on him… or any of Ethne’s wolves. Had… something happened? Bellamy’s ears fell as he spoke again, telling her once more that he didn’t want her sad. That he’d make whoever had made her upset say sorry. Sweet child… so much of his former spirit was still there. That loving nature, that desire to help others feel peace and ease their pain. Bellamy’s expression softened as tears pricked her eyes.
“Gav…” She could feel it. That weight easing off her. Bellamy closed her eyes, taking another steadying breath. It… it was okay for things to be this way. Gavroche was still here, his love, his life, new and ready to help heal those in need of it. The woman drew the boy close to her breast, holding him close. “It’s okay to cry sometimes...” She told him, her voice quiet. Maybe she was telling herself too. “Don’t worry about the one who made me upset. We made sure he was really, really sorry.” The tears began to roll down her cheeks. She heard Gavroche whine again.
Acceptance.
“I need a little more time before I can smile, but I’ll be okay… because you’re here with me…” She drew back, looking down at the little pup. “How did you get here, Gav? Where are your mother and father?” She didn’t want to immediately assume the worst, though it was strange, as young as the boy was, for him to be here now.
"Speech," 'Thought.'
Berserker
