Gimme Shelter

The grief that Bellamy felt was overwhelming. It was hard to breathe, fighting back additional sobs that threatened to pass her lips. Her mind had gone from zero to sixty in seconds, triggered by the fading scent of her late mate. The reminder was so painful. She shook in her balled-up state, eyes squeezed closed, ears pinned to her head. It wasn’t until she felt a paw under her chin, moving her head up, that she opened her eyes. They were wide, wild with fear, and filled with tears. She swallowed hard as she met her son’s gaze. Her baby, her sweet boy, a healer just like his father. Her children reminded her so much of Gavroche. They cared for others, their love and light shining just as brightly. She tried to draw in a breath, another whine leaving her. “Dorian…” And, in a heartbeat, her daughter was there too. Bellamy let herself uncurl, but she refused to get to her paws. Her gaze falls as she shifts her head away from her son.

“N-no. I… I won’t!” Her mind whirls in distress. Bellamy’s gaze fixed on her paws as she trembled more, tears streaming down her cheeks. “H-his… his scent… it… he’s fading…” Another whine. She squeezed her eyes closed. “I can’t!”  She speaks more firmly now. She knows that being out in the tunnels won’t help her and that she needs the warmth of the den and the care of her children, but acknowledging the fading scent means letting go of Gavroche. To accept that he was gone… she couldn’t. She was terrified that the moment she started, his memories would fade… and that hurt her far worse than any would possibly could.

“I can’t…” The words became weaker as she looked up at her children again. Did they understand her fear? Did they understand why she was afraid to return to the bed she had shared with her mate? But, even with her spiral, some of Bellamy recognized their worry for her. That they wanted to help her. “...somewhere else…” The best compromise she can make for now trembling as she tries to rise. She couldn’t return to her own den but would follow them to another.

"Speech," 'Thought.'