((Liquid timing to before his Halloween event thread because literally no idea what he'll be like after that.))
Crux's head was a mess, well really his whole being was but his thoughts were hard to sort through. He had to admit some things to himself he wasn't yet sure he was ready to admit. He'd spent so long holding onto the idea of a wolf he hadn't seen in over a year. Ajax hadn't shown up at the party and Crux had had to slip back away home, his heart aching. But he didn't know Ajax, didn't know who he really was. They'd met when they'd both been children... Crux didn't feel like he'd changed much but surely they both had. And he'd carried a torch for him since that day, off of simple kindness, had literally brought a reminder of their meeting with him everywhere in the form of the feather pendant he wore even now. He was an idiot. Building so much off of scraps.
That was almost easier to reconcile, he could choose to carry feelings for a boy he really didn't know. Less chance of getting hurt that way... But suddenly finding his adolescence hijacked by Cryptis? That was another matter. Ajax was a dull ache, an old wound he could poke when he wanted to feel something. Cryptis? Well Cryptis was a blazing fire right in front of his eyes, she was a scar when it was still fresh and tender. She was a menace. Not in an unkind way but in a "I really like this girl who keeps endangering herself and it's distressing" kinda way. He could still remember the way she'd felt tucked against his chest as they'd awaited rescue. And it scared him.
Ajax was a memory, real but distant and untouchable. Cryptis was there, she'd stood right in front of him and risked life and limb for him. And he was pretty damn sure he was crushing on her hard. And it scared him. Cryptis could hurt him in a way the memory of a boy he'd only ever seen one day of his life couldn't. Crux wasn't even sure she knew just how much of him she could crush if she wished. And the worst part was he was pretty sure he'd hurt her first. Not intentionally no, but if he'd just been smarter, faster, stronger... He wouldn't have had to speak for her, she'd be back home and able to fucking talk!
Maybe that was part of why he'd chosen to contemplate here, on the other side of Armada lands. Not between them and Insomnia. He was afraid he would hurt her again... And if he was being honest he was also afraid of Medusa. Yeah she scared him shitless.
Crux tipped his head back, the rush of water escaping the gyser no longer even novel enough to pull his attention. He'd didn't even know how long he'd been sat here, debating with himself. Going in circles unable to figure out what he wanted, what steps he was going to take! All he knew was what he would change if he had to do it all again. If he'd known how that day at the waterfall would change his whole trajectory, he didn't regret helping her, no Crux wouldn't change that he just might have been... Wiser. He tipped his head back down to watch the spout of water off quite far away. Beautiful at a distance... Yet he wished to be closer.
"Speech"
Updated 04/30/23: Still on
indefinite scarcity, please do not remind me of threads I am behind on right now.
Crux has a 6 inch long burn scar on his throat, most of his art does not reflect this.
