With Pace and a Fury Defiant

He was angry. The annoyance was clear in his tone, his eyes flashing with fury as he responded to her measly attempt at reassurance. It was indeed as badly received as she thought it would be. And while his frustration was directed at her outwardly in a scathing tone and a raised voice- she knew she was not the true recipient of his hostility. He was venting his own resentment towards himself onto her. It was obvious to her at least. Fine. She could take it. She could take anything thrown at her. So she stood her ground, sharp gaze and all, meeting the burning amber of his in unwavering defiance. She refused to let him think that for one second she was anything less than the tenacious wench that she truly was.

He had divulged the details of another instance where control was lost. The fate that had befallen the woman from his admission was not for the faint of heart- so it was a good thing she was a callous fucking bitch. Funnily enough, Absinth had yet another opportunity to compare Sephiran to her sire. It was an ever growing list. Ah, pitiful woman. Such a fate could have so easily been her own. The irony of that fact was not lost on her. Did he so fear that she would one day be another corpse he came back to himself standing over? But, that was not a fear she held for herself. Whether it happened or not, she wasn’t going to just fear the chance alone, nor do anything less than fight back. It seemed Aresenn was carrying some guilt around like a cloak of self-disgust- trying to push her away. Letting it eat at him, festering beneath his flesh just as the other him was. To that she had no words to ease his mind, not that he wanted that reassurance anyways. He made that very clear.

As Aresenn apologized for the outburst, his eyes roamed over her face in searching. She was sure to smile, to convey her desire to take weight off his shoulders with a knowing gaze. She didn’t know exactly how to help him though. This was a battle that was waging within himself. She couldn’t so easily guide him to a conclusion or sway his mind onto an easier-to-accept path. He needed to do that on his own. So she contemplated her next words carefully. Perhaps.. if she gave up more of herself.. he would see that she did not speak lightly when it came to her conviction to remain close.

“Aresenn.. I’m pretty shit at being comforting, so I doubt what I say will be anything close to that. But I’m honest. I’m not trying to offer you absolution- you can feel however you want to about what you’ve done. That’s your right. Forget what I said about purity. I didn’t understand how much this bothered you.” She rumbled lowly, softly, and at some points even gently. Her emeralds set upon his face as she fought to string words together in the heat of the moment; hoping she came off the way she intended to. She knew better how to use words like a whip, not this. “I… don’t have a decent moral compass to follow. You might just have a better one than me. If you think I’m going to condemn you for your actions, at what point did I make myself out to be someone that can’t handle shit?” Dont fucking insult me with that. With great difficulty she held back her temper, wanting to correct the assumptions she thought he was making about her. “Listen. I don’t care for the lives you’ve taken. I don’t care how they were taken. I don’t particularly care why either. If you did it under a spell, out of your mind, or by a simple willing choice makes no difference to me.” Even if it does to you. Absinth had allowed a tone of coldness to lace her words, but her eyes still shone brightly with the intent to.. help him. She was trying hard, But she knew she needed to give up something in exchange. A give and take of sorts. Perhaps he would stop beating himself up over this if he only knew what she was, at her core. “I’ve done fucked up things, I’ve killed. You name it. I’ve been beaten, starved, poisoned, spat on. I’ve fought off rapists, traffickers, hell- my own father. I fought like fucking hell to never be weak again. Torn throats, plucked eyes, I’ve even bitten the dick off a fucker. I’ve done it all of my own volition, with a smile on my face to boot. I may have started off doing it for survival, but that excuse is long gone. I still commit those acts. I have no loss of control, no affliction to blame. Can you be close to me and live with that knowledge?” Did that make her as bad as Sephiran in his eyes? How did he see Sephiran? Other than intense like he’d described once before. Why follow the Saxe if he was going to be hung up on the blood spattered reality of catering to vile whims? She suddenly recalled her argument with the toy Sephiran had battered. When the sapphire-eyed girl had called her crazy for choosing this kind of life. Would Aresenn? … Were their similarities only surface level? “I am not crazy or maniacal, but there’s no doubt that I am some form of unforgivable myself. I have never pretended to be good or kind. I am not some false hero of anyone’s story. I am Absinth, a poison.. That is who I am, Aresenn. A product of the world we live in. I was this long before I met you. This is why I have no trouble seeing you as you are, and welcoming you with open arms. Even if you can’t.” She flitted her eyes down to his chest where the thief’s blood still remained, coagulating and drying. A smile, faintly appreciative playing on her lips. “I hope you will be selfish. I want you to be. I want you to show me more of yourself… That is, if you're not going to condemn me now.” Absinth said, her gaze drifting upwards to his face as she registered the slight lean he had been unknowingly doing. She sighed, reaching forward with her muzzle to press into his cheek if he would allow it. Cards on the table, was this as far as they went?

wormwood