hey so my kinda gf lives here?

Kaija wasn't sure what she wanted to hear, or if there were even answers that would make her feel any better about Ophie having left. Maybe a certain answer might sting less than others, but what one? Maybe if she'd left against her will, if something had happened to her... but the thought of hoping that something bad had happened to Ophie to explain her sudden disappearance made her feel just as terrible. She didn't wish bad upon her, never had and never could, no matter how bad she was feeling.

Ophie started talking then and Kaija was torn. When they were together, neither of them tended to really talk about the big, heavy things. It'd always felt like an option, but it felt like more value was gained from... just enjoying their time together. Being together always felt good, made Kaija feel like they were temporarily transported somewhere better, even if it didn't last all that long. A little slice of happy for them both.

Kaija furrowed her brows as her friend explained how she'd felt. What could she say to help? To relate? Even amongst the feelings of betrayal and frustration she wanted Ophie to know that she understood. "I know how you felt. You saw me, right after my mom died, remember?" That was when she'd begged Ophie to go see the world with her, to leave it all behind and go really live, a life of adventure and freedom. When the same thing had happened to Ophie though, she'd just left, hadn't even bothered to find Kaija - it made her realize then just how lopsided their feelings really must be, at least that was how it felt to her.

"I was mad too. I wanted everyone to suffer like I was," except you, she thought sullenly to herself. Ophelia had been her only beacon of hope and light in all the ooze-stained darkness. The reason she'd kept on going, despite it all. While the reason Ophie had kept going was... some pigs? Her nose wrinkled even more, her brows furrowing so tightly it nearly hurt.

Losing Ophie, even if it hadn't been to death (even if it had felt like it), had felt just the way Ophie described in regards to losing her mom. Like for awhile, all that was left was rage and spite, like it'd slowly chipped away at the good parts of her until she barely recognized what was left. Only recently had she tried to overcome those feelings, to go back to who she'd once been.

"You know I never stopped thinking about you, right? All this time you've been gone? I thought something happened to you, and I got so angry," Kaija started, feeling it all spill out, a dam suddenly burst. Angry tears pricked at her eyes, though she refused to let them fall. "I felt - feel - so fucking stupid for thinking about you so much. For wasting my time looking for you, when you were hanging out somewhere with pigs. You never knew how much I loved you, did you? I didn't think I had to say it. If I'd told you, would you have even tried telling me you were leaving?" Didn't think she had to spell out how she'd do anything for Ophie, more than anyone else in this world, how she'd risk life and limb to come looking for her. Kaija wasn't sure if telling her would've made any difference, but if it might've, at least she could redirect some of the blame inward. Maybe it'd sting less that way.

She bit her tongue, trying to steady herself. Her intent wasn't to hurt Ophie, even if part of her wanted to make the other woman aware of just how slighted Kaija felt. "I'm glad you feel better now, though. I hope you do, at least." She didn't even mean it in a sarcastic way, wasn't trying to be shitty, but she wasn't sure if her words could even come across as genuine right now.