Realizations Suck

He had taken a small bag of supplies and headed out early that morning, giving himself a mission to stock up on some herbs before Autumn came and they withered away. Sure, his mother and the other healers probably had stocks full of stuff, but he wanted to be responsible for his own things and not bother them about it. He ventured Northeast, toward the ship he knew to be sitting frozen and trapped in the ice. He had never been there before, but he had been aware of a pack that had been there briefly...maybe they had left behind some things that could be useful? Assuming they weren't still there and guarding their old supplies and whatnot. Was he nervous to run into someone out there alone? Abso-fucking-lutely. He barely had any real practice in fighting, but knew enough to be able to defend himself if it came down to it. Still, he wanted to avoid it if he could.

The sun had risen over the horizon by the time he arrived at the ship, and the male looked up at it in awe. It was trapped here. Forever frozen in place for who knew how long. Never able to be free again. Honestly, he sometimes felt the same way. Moreso in the sense that he felt trapped within himself ever since the flood happened, and these new things started happening to him that he didn't like. The stuttering. The migraines. The trouble with his balance. It sucked. And he was starting to hate himself for it. Sighing, he proceeded to make his way up into the ship, unaware that he wasn't gonna be alone when he got in there.

Making it up onto the bow, he looked out and over the horizon, not realizing just how vast the world was. How...beautiful it was...and yet also seemingly empty. Maybe it was just the North...maybe not. He didn't know. Turning away, he poked his head into the different run down cabins as he searched for things he might be able to use. A small bottle here. A jar there. Some dried herbs. Bandage wraps strewn about...there was plenty for him to take, luckily. And as he went further into the ship, he finally realized he wasn't quite alone. A smell he had never smelled before wafted toward him, and it was pretty strong. It set his hackles rising along his spine. Sending alarm bells ringing in his head. He didn't recognize it because he had never come across such a thing before...but he had enough sense to know it definitely wasn't a wolf.

Cautious, he started to back out and go back the way he came. And it wasn't until he heard a low, rumbling growl that he realized that whatever it was, was practically on top of him. Looking up, he spotted some sort or large feline staring down at him from the metal beam above him, and as he turned around, it jumped down at him. Yelping in surprise, Ansem felt claws clinging to his back, and so he bucked wildly in an attempt to throw it off. His pack had been dislodged, thrown to the ground as he swung his head around, catching the cougars paw in his mouth. He heard a piercing yowl so close to his ear that he thought he might go deaf from it! Yanking on the paw he had, he managed to throw off the cougar enough for him to be able to turn around and face it properly.

The cougar hissed at him, looking all sorts of angry at the wolf who dared trespass into what it had claimed. Ansem was more keen on getting out than fighting, but the cougar was blocking the exit. He had no choice but to fight. Growling at the beast, he fake lunged in an attempt to scare it off, but to no avail. The cougar launched itself at him again, missing him by a hair as he dodged. Turning around, he opened his jaws as he moved to grab it, his teeth piercing its side for a moment. The cougar swiped at him, claws slashing across his shoulder and causing him to cry out in pain. He could feel blood spill from his new wound, and no doubt it would potentially leave a scar...but he wasn't sure. As the cougar lunged again, so did he. Jaws splayed once again as they came at each other. As it sought to try and leap over him and onto his back, Ansem lunged up enough and managed to grab it by the neck, dragging it back to the ground and he held on for dear life, ignoring the blood curdling caterwauling as it desperately clawed at him in a bid to try and make him let go. He shook it in a panic, afraid to let go for fear it would still try to come at him.

Eventually...it would shudder and be still. Though it took him a few minutes to realize its soul had departed. Was it shock, perhaps? At having taken his first life that wasn't prey? Finally releasing his grip, his jaws felt sore from how tightly he had held his grip. He sat back, adrenaline still coursing through him as his wounds bled. He stared at the now dead cougar, feeling...numb. Never had he taken the life of something that wasn't the usual prey. Never had he been in a fight like that where he thought he might potentially end up dead. Sure, he was bigger than the cougar, but it was faster, swifter, had more deadly weapons compared to him. He lacked experience, he knew that now.

Sighing, he wasn't sure what to do with the body, so he left it where it was, picked up his pack, and walked out. He didn't quite feel like exploring and looking for the things he had come for anymore, and was too shaken up to really think about anything other than getting home now. He never realized before that he'd have feelings like this...it was...unusual...to him. Or so he assumed, anyway. Maybe it was the nightmares...maybe it was the effect from having gotten his so hard in the head, he didn't know. It was definitely something to do with his lack of confidence...but that wasn't quite something he was ready to address yet.

-exit-

WC: 1,059/800

"Speech!"