I'm Ready... Depression...

Haydée’s mind is far from the familiar pathway that leads to the top of falls, her paws moving more of their own accord than from her conscious command. Instead of watching the way the sun filters through the trees or listening the soft songs that the birds sing of the coming Spring, the weary woman hears the insults and malice hurled at her on an obsidian beach far North of here. A call pulls at her tortured mind, forcing it to turn from itself and she lifts her small head to bring her gaze up to rest on her mother.

Emotions swirl in her emerald eyes, hurt, fear, and sorrow awhirl in those deep green depths before she blinks and they are wiped away, concern for her battle-scarred mother replacing them as she looks at the woman’s, tired form. The words Bellamy offers has a small sigh falling from Haydée’s lips and she bobs her head, having a rather similar reason for coming to the top of the falls today. Without a word, she finishes her approach, angling herself to come up to next to her mother where she then lightly seats herself upon the ground.

Together, they quietly gaze out over the land, the old and the young Leaders contemplating their own struggles that the not yet voiced to each other. Silence fills the space between them, growing with each passing second until it hangs heavily around the women’s shoulders. A bug lazily buzzes around the shorter wolf’s head and she resists the urge to swat at it or to scratch the healing wounds on her neck. Finally, Haydée speaks, the words that emerge are laced with the exhaustion that she feels in her very soul, “If only I could be half the leader you and my siblings seem to see in me.”

A wistful smile tugs at her lips as she remembers all the kindness they have shown her, encouraging her with every step she has taken as she blindly blundered through her role. Yet one man has erased all her good deeds and placed a dark blot on her leadership causing Haydée to start rethink every little choice she has ever made. Suddenly, she wishes that Bay was still here, that the smiling golden boy might be in his den when she goes back, to kiss away her tears and hold her while she cries.

But he is gone, taken captive by a tide that some cruel force of fate had sent to keep them apart. Vision blurs as tears well in her soft eyes and she bitterly spits out, “I don’t think the Divines want me to be a leader. Every time I think that I am starting to do something good…” voice grows weak and falls off, small shoulders lifting only to fall into a half-hearted shrug as she shakes her head, biting the inside of her cheek.

Eyes fall to her paws, neck arching as her head bows, revealing the poultice packed stitches where Gilgamesh’s wounds will forever remain on her. Once more she speaks, words now softer as she quietly asks, “How did you do it mom? How do you keep everyone going and know that the choice you made is the right one?” Was leading another raid on the Raiders a smart decision? In her eyes, it will show that Ethne is not a push over and that they will seek to take back whatever is stolen from them.

But is it enough?



"Haydée Kedieo"