Her daughter’s words and weariness echo the same that lies across Bellamy, and the old woman can’t help the sad smile that tugs at her lips. “You are starting to sound more like me, Hay.” Her poor girl. Bellamy’s heart aches for her, her gaze distant as she stares across Ethne. “Long before I even gained my freedom, I questioned if the Divinities had decided I was no longer fit for good things. If perhaps Chaos has loomed all this time, and any good I thought I saw being done was the act of Delusion and Calamity giving me false comfort before it all came crashing down. Hell, I still question it…” One couldn’t help but wonder. For one who seemed to want to try and do good, she was sure doing a fucking terrible job… at least in her own opinion.
Haydée speaks again and Bellamy frowns, turning to look at her daughter with a sympathetic gaze. “As a little secret, Hay… I didn’t. I never thought any of the choices I made were the right one, always second guessing, always questioning if I could have done something better or been a better leader… if someone else might have done better than I would have.” The old wolf confessed. She shook her head, that sad smile returning. “But… your father never had those doubts that I did. He’d tell me that I was a good leader, because I cared about what happened after each decision, if there were consequences… cared who it affected…” Bellamy’s gaze softened.
“A good leader doesn’t always make the right decisions, but they care to keep trying, to be there for their family and their pack. They are the one holding things together, even when they themselves feel like they are going to fall apart. It becomes less because they have to - there are other leaders out there, and some may argue that they are better, that they make smarter decisions, that they know the right way to lead…” Bellamy straightened.
“The truth is every wolf is going to make mistakes, leader or not. I did not become a leader thinking I would be a good one, I did it because I wanted to create stability for my family, for the little lives growing within me at the time. The world had failed me and your father time and time again… If I had to fight the world to give our children hope at knowing what being “normal” was like, then I knew I would without hesitation. With every fumble along the way…” Bellamy let her gaze shift out across the land once more.
“...and that is why I’m so worried about your decision to keep me here.” Bellamy sighed softly. “I have always been reactive when it has come to our family, and history shows that battlefields… bring out something in my mind that is unwell…” The seriousness of the topic hurts her heart, but Bellamy knows it needs to be said. “...and yet, if I had been the Leader, and it was one of my wolves, one of those I care so deeply about that had the same thing happen… I know I could not turn my back on them.” Another truth at just how similar mother and daughter were.
The older wolf gently leans into her smaller daughter’s side. “If we mess up, we learn from it.” Her tone grew softer now. “We may not know the best choice before it happens, but we can choose how we handle what happens after.” She placed a kiss on Haydée’s brow. “So if you ask me you’re doing the best that you can, and that is something everyone in the pack sees. It is why we all follow and support you.” Bells hopes that encouragement will be enough, that her daughter might finally feel some of the weight that is crushing down on her lift up and leave her alone at last.
"Speech," 'Thought.'
Berserker
