The words she is met with only cause the frown upon her maw to deepen. She didn’t understand… did he truly not believe her to be the one responsible for her actions? That taking those lives, that by acting on behalf of the empire, she was a monster? That mindset reminded her of her late mate, and Bellamy furrowed her brow. She did not interrupt Eltrys as he spoke, gaining information that was quite strange. A messiah… one to grant forgiveness and commune with the Divine. But were the Divine he could speak with and those she believed in one in the same? She tilted her head to the side, not understanding. Yes the uncle had sent the assassin after his mother, but the assassin had still chosen to take the woman’s life. Murder was still murder… they didn’t have to agree to do so. But… she continued to frown, listening as Eltrys continued to speak.
His words, while they seemed to support Bellamy and what she had done, were not without compassion for the girl who had been maimed in the process. Bellamy knows it is only because it is a child that she feels this level of sorrow, that she hates what she has done so deeply. If the parents had not warned the girl of what could happen, then she was a cruel reminder of what the world could do to a kid. Her gaze falls. Of course she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders, bearing its weight as if it is all her fault. With the exception of a small handful of wolves in her life, Bellamy has known no different. The fault had always been hers. She was a monster of the empire, a weapon to cut down the resistance. It is hard for her to see anything beyond that… she fails to see what her daughter sees. What all of Ethne sees.
The compliment feels strange to her… that Haydee might have gotten her strength from her. No, Bellamy’s mind cuts in. Her strength and love came from her father, the good that the man had done in his life. Even now Bellamy struggles to be gentle with herself. She shifts uneasily, gaze lifting back up at Eltrys. Her ears remained pinned, a soft whimper leaving her lips. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think that I’m ready to be forgiven…” She hopes that he doesn’t take offense to her words, but Bellamy knows that to truly be forgiven, she will need to become gentler with herself first. Then, and only then, will she be able to find peace.
“My fault or not, until I find a way to apologize, to own up for what happened to the girl in that Raid, I don’t think I will be ready to be.” Bellamy’s gaze falls again. “You’re right in saying she should have been made aware of the risks… but she was still hurt. She is still forever marked. Maybe it is the mother in me that cares, or the child in me who was once a soldier… but she is the one I wish to find peace with. Less so her pack… I understand what it is like to have your youth altered in a way you can not control.” The woman sighed softly.
“All the same, your offer is appreciated, Eltrys… please don’t think it is not.” She shakes her head. “For some time the agent Chaos has been following me, and the twins Delusion and Calamity have lurked nearby. It is… hard to tell if events are their work, if the rest of the Divinities have given up on me, or if this is merely another test of their wills…” Bellamy sighs heavily. “But it is tiring… more than anything I wish for my family to find peace… to have the safety I sought for them when I created this pack. I’ve carried the weight of the world upon me for so long, I think nothing of it when I’m asked to do so again and again… but I do not want that fate for my loved ones… those of blood or not. Ethne is meant to be our haven, or sanctuary…” She glances back at him.
“All I can ask is for you to aid my daughter the best that you can. Haydee is young, and she needs the support.” And maybe one day her mother would be willing to accept that same level of support as well.
"Speech," 'Thought.'
Berserker
