I really fucked it up this time

Bae-Syl sat amongst the sands, eyes on the waves. He had come out here late last night, but now the sun was kissing the water. He hadn't slept, merely sat watching the waves. Saga would forgive him for shirking his patrol this morning he felt. He hadn't spoken with the bear since his attempt at the bonfire, before he had to stop the young raider from attacking Haydee. He sighed at the thought.

Things were out of hand and were getting worse. His own feelings on the situation were irrelevant though. Gilgamesh was being childish, and Haydee shouldn't have to bend to his whims because she was smaller. Though a deeper wound troubled Bae-Syl. Bellamy was gone, disappointment was his feelings on it. If she wanted to go then fine but he wished she had at least told him. His ears pinned.

Then there was Lucy being kidnapped and Beauregard with her. He wasn't even sure where to ask help from. A group had taken them. And he didn't know who, or for why. He'd felt sick at the thoughts of for what once. Would she return? Would she be broken? Should he begin looking for groups of slavers and looking for things to use to buy the freedom of the two? Would Bellamy forgive him? He had lost her daughter.

He closed his tired eyes and lowered his head. He hadn't cried since his mother was murdered in front of his eyes, but he wanted to. He wanted to break down and cry. His entire world was Lucy. He had broken down last night though. It was why he hadn't returned to the falls. His den was empty, the scent of rotting herbs his only companion now. Ruby had flown off some time a few nights ago to search more, and his dog had left to find Bellamy. He wanted Bellamy to know, he had fucked up.

His face held the evidence of his sorrow. As well as the dried blood and scrape on his unarmored shoulder from him throwing himself at a rock to give himself some other feeling other than emotional pain. Physical pain was something he knew how to deal with. He was silent this morning though. He let the tears flow but refused to give this pain a voice. Alot had been taken from him in his short life, and he wasn't even allowed to feel, he had to be the rock. These moments were when he allowed himself to break. Breaking was dangerous though. But he stood on the cusp. He'd been giving his pack a glimpse of it, but refused to tell them it was anything but a sour mood or a bad day.

Eventually he would fall though he knew. There was two sides and he felt he was leaning towards that darkness that was reaching for him before he met Lucy..... she had been his light. Should he mourn her? Believe her to never return? He didn't want to.

"Speech!"