Knock Knock You about to get.....

BELLATRIX:

STATUS

12/12 for Experience:

• +6 Master Fighter
• +6 Master Hunter

4/5 for Health:

• -1 Loner

WRITING

8/10 for Power Play:

Attempts|Godmoding|If/Then Statments|Excessive Movement|Realism


• -2 Each companion may only serve one attack. We counted the first one and are disregarding the rest. 

6/10 for Clarity:

Attacks|Positioning|Directions|Movements|Damage


• -1 where is Frank in relation to Bellatrix at the start of the fight? I'm not sure where his starting point is relative to the wolves
• -1 how is Frank moving to reach Widow's shoulder?  She is 45", as a mini-reindeer he'd be 25" at most.
• -1 what is Frank's intent with his shoulder throw. What kind of damage/result is he attempting?
• -1 what angle is Trixy attacking at in relation to Widow's body. Like is she facing perpendicular to Widow's hind leg or at an angle?

4/10 for Attacks:

• +2 Reindeer shoulder throw
• +2 horn stab

5/5 for Defenses:

• +1 each seen

10/10 for Injuries:

• list injuries (even first round, deductions beginning second)

BELLATRIX’s round one total: 49/62

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WIDOW:

STATUS

12/12 for Experience:

• +6 Master Fighter
• +6 Master Intellectual

5/5 for Health:

• no deductions

WRITING

3/10 for Power Play:

Attempts|Godmoding|If/Then Statments|Excessive Movement|Realism


• -1 how does Widow know what attack the reindeer is going to do? It seems like she's predicting it exactly without any reason given for the prediction.
• -2 too much movement. Widow is surging forward, lifting her paw, putting it down, curving her body, pivoting, etc. Bellatrix and the reindeer attacked at the same time. Fights happen in fractions of seconds. 
  
• -2 too much movement Widow is managing to attack Bellatrix with her rear leg then spin around (seemingly 180) to throw in a jaw attack. You need to give your opponent space to respond to attacks.
  
• -1 if/then. She's attempting to bite and throw. The throw attempt is reliant on the bite actually landing.
• -1 you need to acknowledge/respond to Bellatrix's horn attack.

1/10 for Clarity:

Attacks|Positioning|Directions|Movements|Damage


• -1 what is the first raven's intent with the talon attack? what's it trying to do?
• -1 what direction is the second raven attack from? if its diving down how does it alter its flight to get underneath the jaw?
• -1 make sure to specify whose left when writing direction
• -2 remember Widow is bigger and longer than her opponents. How is she getting her right hip all the way over to the front of the reindeer? How is she getting her hip down to his level?
• -2 how is Widow curving her shoulder to avoid the reindeer's shoulder? which way is she curving her upper body? Or whole body?  Why does the shoulder not hit her side?
• -1where on the rear limb is Widow aiming her bite attack? You should state the target in layman's terms. Also the semitendinosus muscle is a long muscle and jaw position could vary.
• -1 where on Bellatrix's muzzle is Widow trying to land her attack?

7/10 for Attacks:

• +2 raven talon attack
• +2 second ravens talon attack
• +1 hip throw
• +2 bite attack

5/5 for Defenses:

• +1 for each seen

10/10 for Injuries:

• list injuries (even first round, deductions beginning second)
• scrape to right scapula and rib cage

WIDOW’s round one total: 43/62

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

BELLATRIX:

STATUS

12/12 for Experience:

• +6 Master Fighter
• +6 Master Hunter

4/5 for Health:

• -1 Loner

WRITING

7/10 for Power Play:

Attempts|Godmoding|If/Then Statments|Excessive Movement|Realism


• -1 realism. Simply closing the eyes is unlikely to shield efficiently against talons.
• -2 powerplay (each companion can only make one attack. Counted first, ignored the other)

2/10 for Clarity:

Attacks|Positioning|Directions|Movements|Damage


• -1 where did the second raven's attack land?
• -2 which way is the reindeer turning and how is he moving away?
• -1 clarity make sure to clarify whose right Trixy is turning to.
• -2 how is she folding her body and in what way and direction?
• -1 how is she moving as she 'unfurls'. Is she attacking straight on or at an angle?
• -1 above as in on top of Widow's muzzle or above in above where it connects to her face?

5/10 for Attacks:

• +2 for raven talon attack
• +3 bite with grip attempt
• +0 paw to muzzle. This didn't really come across as part of an attack.

5/5 for Defenses:

• +1 for each seen

10/10 for Injuries:

• none seen

BELLATRIX’s round two total: 45/62

--------------------


WIDOW:

STATUS

12/12 for Experience:

• +6 Master Fighter
• +6 Master Intellectual

5/5 for Health:

• no deductions

WRITING

7/10 for Power Play:

Attempts|Godmoding|If/Then Statments|Excessive Movement|Realism


• -2 Bellatrix is going for the left side of Widow's face not the right.
• -1 remember fight movements happen in fractions of a second.  Widow was launching her head at Bellatrix to attack, then whips it all the way back to her shoulders(?), then whips it down again.

2/10 for Clarity:

Attacks|Positioning|Directions|Movements|Damage


• -1 the cat is attacking the wing portion then the writing suggests the bird's right side. There needs to be one clear target
• -1 is the cat attacking straight on or at any particular angle? how's she positioned to the bird when she attacks?
• -2 I'm really lost here, is "the woman began to turn away" Bellatrix or Widow? who is turning and how?  What is "over her own right shoulder" referencing?
• -1 "pulled her head up and back against her shoulders" I'm having trouble visualizing this movement did she whip her head so far back its up against the top of her shoulders?
• -1 what is Widow's intent with the jaw attack? Is she trying to cause damage or obtain a hold?
• -1 Widow is mentioned to be going for the scruff and also the whole neck. You need to pick a specific target.
• -1 at what angle is Widow in relation to Bellatrix when performing that paw stomp?

6/10 for Attacks:

• +2 cat scratch
• +2 paw stomp, added severity for size difference
• +2 bite to scruff

5/5 for Defenses:

• +1 for each seen

10/10 for Injuries:

• -0 for light bruising to right hip

WIDOW’s round two total: 47/62

BELLATRIX: 94/124
WIDOW: 90/124


WIDOW must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.