Invisible Box
12-09-2013, 03:09 PM
SENDOA v THEMISTO for THEMISTO'S FREEDOM Round 1
sendoa ? clarity ? 5 out of 10 ; ??while aiming her left shoulder at his right.? vague statement; what is she doing? is she seeking to slam her shoulder against his or merely pressing into him? (-1) ??jaws would attempt sneak their way?? you need to specify exactly where they are sneaking their way towards themisto?s scruff, i.e. which side of his head (-2). it was never specified what sendoa attempted to achieve with a grasp to themisto?s scruff, i.e. control of the head (-2). powerplay ? 6 out of 10 ; ??body poised in line with his own?? you cannot assume she was able to make it so; themisto could easily move his body at an angle during the charge (-1). ?She would bring herself forward?? again, you cannot assume she managed to close that distance between she and themisto; he still could move out of the way (-1). ??only when out of view of his eyes?? sendoa may never actually get out of view of themisto?s eyes; only themisto determines what he can and cannot see (-2). defenses ? 7 out of 10 ; skull lowered, limbs spread evenly apart, ears pinned, teeth exposed, tail out, chin tucked, shoulders rolled. attack ? 3 out of 10 ; seeking to hit her left shoulder against his right to push him backwards (+2; didn?t really see how merely pushing them backwards could benefit send), attempt to grasp themisto?s scruff (+1; points not awarded in full, refer to clarity section) injuries ? 10 out of 10 ; first round. round one sendoa total ? 31 out of 50. themisto ? clarity ? 8 out of 10 ; ??her left shoulder collided with his right?? you need to specify where on his shoulder the impact was made (-1). ??to keep himself from budging- though he had moved back a few steps?? contradictory statement (-1). powerplay ? 8 out of 10 ; ??he would push with all his might on his back legs to keep himself from budging?? this pushing, since it does depend upon pushing against sendoa, needs to be made as an attempt, regardless of how logical it may be for them to do so (-1). ??but instead he would hold on?? you cannot assume he will be able to maintain his grip upon sendoa (-1). defenses ? 10 out of 10 ; ears pinned, teeth exposed, hackles raised, shoulders rolled, neck scrunched, chin tucked, eyes narrowed, limbs bent, limbs spread evenly apart, abdomen tensed, toes splayed, claws gripping earth. (please note i will not count the tail being out because, as it is a stub, it will not really help maintain his balance.) attack ? 7 out of 10 ; attempt to slam left paw onto sendoa?s right paw, intending to break her toes or paw (+3), attempt to crush sendoa?s mandible (+4) injuries ? 10 out of 10 ; first round; slight bruising to right shoulder, pending damage from sendoa?s bite. round one themisto total ? 43 out of 50. Round 2
sendoa ? clarity ? 3 out of 10 ; unspecified damage to sendoa from the teeth-clashing; it was included in the summary but not in the actual post (-2). ??for the side of his neck.? which side of them?s neck is sendoa aiming for? (-2). ??bump her shoulder against his own?? which shoulder is she bumping against which of his? also, this attack was ineffective due to the fact that they are so close together (-3). powerplay ? 9 out of 10 ; ??jaws would clamp shut upon this mostly fur, flesh, and muscle?? you cannot assume, no matter how logical it would be, that that is what sendoa will receive. ultimately it is the opponent?s player who decides what your character receives. to avoid making this assumption, include an ?intending to clamp onto,? or something of the like (-1). defenses ? 6 out of 10 ; ears pinned, eyes narrowed, shoulders rolled, tail out, balanced, skull lowered. attack ? 2 out of 10 ; bite to side of themisto?s neck (+1; points not awarded in full, refer to clarity section), bumping shoulder against his (+1; points not awarded in full, refer to clarity section) injuries ? 7 out of 10 ; broken/fractured toes (-2), unspecified damage to jaws (-1) round two sendoa total ? 27 out of 50. themisto ? clarity ? 1 out of 10 ; ?He would plant himself into the ground, wanting to become a wall?? this statement made little sense to me; what is ?planting himself into the ground?? (-2) in reference to when sendoa shoves her shoulder into themisto?s, you fail to specify the damage taken (-2). ??his head slightly tilted?? slightly tilted in which direction? (-1) ??clamp his jaws around her fleshy cheek and or bridge of her muzzle.? which cheek is themisto aiming for? (-2). ??attempt to slam his paw down?? which paw of his? (-2) powerplay ? 9 out of 10 ; ??would keep his grip?? you cannot assume themisto will be able to maintain a grip upon sendoa; only the opponent?s player decides this, ultimately (-1). defenses ? 10 out of 10 ; ears pinned, teeth exposed, hackles raised, shoulders rolled, neck scrunched, chin tucked, eyes narrowed, weight evenly distributed, knees bent, legs spread evenly apart, abdomen tensed, toes splayed, claws gripping earth. attack ? 2 out of 10 ; attempt to bite into sendoa?s cheek or bridge of muzzle (+1; point not awarded in full, refer to clarity section). attempt to slam paw down onto sendoa?s already-injured paw (+1; points not awarded in full, refer to clarity section). injuries ? 6 out of 10 ; throbbing pain in jaw (-1), unspecified damage to right shoulder (-1), flesh torn from upper portion of right-sided neck, half-inch deep (-2). round two themisto total ? 28 out of 50. Totals:
sendoa ? 58 out of 100 themisto ? 71 out of 100 And the winner is...
themisto! sendoa must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. as this was a freedom challenge, themisto may not be won into another pack without consent for two ooc weeks. Damage:
sendoa ? broken toes on right forepaw, will cause complications with walking for five ooc days. light bruising by jaws that'll heal in two ooc days. torn flesh from sendoa's cheek (andy may choose which cheek) that will heal in one ooc week but will permanently scar over due to its placement on the face. themisto ? moderate bruising to right shoulder, will heal in three ooc days. light bruising by jaws that'll heal in two ooc days. torn flesh from right-sided neck, will heal in one ooc week. Notes:
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here) andy ? your posts were fairly vague throughout, so be sure to include specifics to make your posts easier to comprehend. also, although i did not subtract points for it, the use of the word "miracle" in reference to your character's opponent is not only entirely unnecessary, but it is also rather rude. what the opposition can and cannot do is entirely up to the player and, if it is seen to as unrealistic, the judges will take points off of it. aislyn ? your last post was vague, also, which is what brought your score down most. i also advise you to include as many specifics as you can throughout your fighting posts. [ judging by aly ]
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