Sick of it all [Dominance]
12-10-2013, 05:48 AM
SYREN vs. ASHANTI for DOMINANCE Round 1
Syren: 2 for clarity. ?and launched her body towards the back right side of Ashanti,? from what angle did she approach? ? Her head was pulled to the side,? Left or right? ?and her jaws were open and ready to grab at anything she could,? is this an attack or just a preparation? You need to be clear with that. ?and attempt to bite and hold what ever she could grab,? these attacks don?t help your score much, as they are so vague. 8 for powerplaying. ?She ran on the tips of her toes and launched her body towards the back right side of Ashanti.? This needs to be an attempt, Ashanti can still move. ? 8 for defenses. 4 for attack. Attempted slam with shoulder into the ribs (+3), attempting to bite Ashanti anywhere (+1) 10 for injuries.First round Round one Syren Total: 32/50 Ashanti: 0 for clarity. ?the female caught her back right leg and the part of the main body near it,? where on the leg? Where on her body? (-4) ?Luckily Asha made it out of her way before the girl could clamp onto anything,? but you previously said she ?caught her leg/body?? ?aiming to slam into her left side,? with what part of her body? ?grab hold of her neck to force her to the ground,? how does she grab her? ? She wanted to hit Syren from a diagonal to send her back into the girl,? this is a very vague attack, you don?t say where she hope sto hit, or what part of her body she uses. 4 for powerplaying. ?as she leapt at the girl full force,? don?t presume she didn?t move, this needs to be an attempt. ?including aiming to grab hold of her neck to force her to the ground, but light enough to not kill her,? you can only attempt to force her to the ground. ?she closed some of the distance between them? do not presume. 2 for defences. 3 for attack. Slam into her left side (+2), attack to the back of the neck (+1 because so vague), Aiming to hit Syren in some way (with her back?) from a diagonal (+0 because it?s so vague) 10 for injuries.Bruising to side. First round. Round one Ashanti Total: 19/50 Round 2
Syren: 4 for clarity.. ?as Ashanti?s shoulder hit Syrens chest,? which shoulder hit her? When a shoulder is not specified, you are best to make a logical assumption to keep your post clear. ?Syren was attempting to grab Ashanti with her paws,? grab her where? ?aiming to bite the side of the woman?s neck,? what side? ? She would attempt to push her claws into the woman,? push claws into where? 5 for powerplaying. ?However, she had continued to move after the woman and maintain a more head on head position,? Allow your opposition some time to move, however I am only deducting -1 here because of how vague Ashanti?s movements were. ?at the last moment she pushed the front portion of her body upwards,? this doesn?t give Ashanti any time to land her attack where intended. ? and grab her jugular in an attempt to suffocate the woman,? It?s unrealistic to suggest she could grasp the jugular from the side of the neck, if you were thinking the lower side, hoping to get her jaw toward the underside of the neck, this should have been mentioned. 10 for defenses. 4 for attack. Bite to Ashanti?s neck, pulling to the left (+4), Pushing claws into Ashanti (+0, claw attacks are very weak, and you did not say where) 6 for injuries. Bruising to chest, bite to shoulder. Round two Syren Total: 29/50 Ashanti: 0 for clarity. ?Ashanti felt Syren's paws wrap around her,? wrap around her where? ?She tried to adjust her grip on the girl upwards towards the girls neck,? her grip where, how and with what? ?She attempted to push her paws onto the girls stomach,? which paws? If more than one, this would cause her to lose her balance and is very unrealistic. What side of the stomach and where exactly? Syren grasped her shoulder, what was the extent of the injury? You also nevers ay how she adjusts herself. 4 for powerplaying. ? push her paws onto the girls stomach to cause a lack of oxygen that the girl could take in,? don?t assume it would have this effect. ?tried to adjust herself to loosen the grip that Syren held on her shoulder close to her molaris,? you need to ensure everything is an attempt, including the goal/outcome of the movement, claw attack disregarded. 2 for defenses. 4 for attack. Worsening damage to neck/shoulder (+4), push to the abdomen (+0, wouldn?t do much at all). 7 for injuries. Bite wound near neck/shoulder Round two Ashanti Total: 17/50 Round 3
Syren: 6 for clarity- ?She felt her legs curl around the upper portion of the woman?s body,? again, where exactly? Eg. Shoulders, neck, hips. ?She could feel Ashantis grip on her shoulder tighten,? which shoulder? 2 for powerplaying. ?using Ashanti?s body as leverage,? this needs to be an attempt. ?she felt her teeth sink in to flesh,? careful- Ashanti didn?t specify the extent of damage. ?and attempting to puncture the soft pallet,? unrealistic, unless Ashanti?s mouth was open when she grasped. You completely disregarded Ashanti?s attack to the stomach, and her shifting from the shoulder up. 8 for defenses. 5 for attack. Bite to upper jaw (+3), pushing right paw into Ashanti?s throat (+2) 7 for injuries.Bite damage to shoulder Round three Syren Total: 28/50 Ashanti: 2 for clarity- ?The pup bit down on her shoulder,? which shoulder? ?rushing to grab her throat to hold her there,? with what? ?took her own paws and attempted to slam them into Syren's stomach,? which paws? Where on the stomach and what side? 0 for powerplaying. ?The pups paw made it into her mouth and attempted to get to her throat,? Syren didn?t try to do this at all, read carefully. ?Asha attempted to bite down on the paw as hard as she could,? where on the paw? Nor was this possible. ?rushing to grab her throat to hold her there,? don?t presume Syren doesn?t prevent the hit. ?slam them into Syren's stomach to make her lose her wind,? don?t presume this effect. 1 for defenses. 3 for attack. Bite to paw (+1, wasn?t really possible), attack to throat (+2, not specified where or how), shove to stomach with paws (+0) 7 for injuries. Worsened damage to shoulder. Round three Ashanti Total: 13/50 Totals:
Syren: 89/150 Ashanti: 49/150 And the winner is...
Syren! Ashanti must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Damage:
Syren- Moderate bite wound to shoulder/neck area- 6 OOC Days to heal. Ashanti- Serious bite wound to shoulder- 10 OOC days to heal. Notes:
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here) Kade: Practise makes perfect, don?t be disheartened. You should be trying to include 10 defences as opposed to your one or two. You also need to read carefully and avoid confusion/Powerplay. Syren: Incorporate more complex attacks and be careful on your clarity. - By [YUMPY]
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