Lovely Little Laddie ((For Kiara))
01-24-2014, 11:43 PM
WRAITHE vs EOWYN for DOMINANCE Round 1
wraithe? clarity ? 0 out of 10 ; ?He was attempting to hit the middle of her chest with his front paws.? it should be explained how he would manage to do this ? most likely by rearing back, but it needs to be clarified within the post (-2). failure to specify the angle at which wrai is attempting to attack, i.e. head-on (-2). failure to specify where on eo?s chest wrai wished to strike (-2). failure to specify what wrai wished to achieve by striking eo on the chest (-2). failure to specify which shoulder wrai was aiming to bite (-2). failure to specify what wrai wished to achieve with a bite to eo?s shoulder (-2). failure to specify how wrai would force eo to the ground, i.e. by utilizing his weight (-2). failure to mention what side wrai ducks to (-2). powerplay ? 8 out of 10 ; there was no clear attempt at closing the distance between wraithe and eo before wraithe begins his actual attack (-2). attack ? 2 out of 10 ; attempt to hit eo?s chest with his forepaws (+1, points not awarded in full, refer to clarity section). attempted bite at eo?s shoulder (+1, points not awarded in full, refer to clarity section). defense ? 0 out of 10 ; eyes narrowed, teeth bared. no points awarded for ducking his skull to the side because that would only expose his neck. two points subtracted from original score for the failure to readjust wrai?s balance as he stands upon his hinds [one point taken per foot that has left the ground]. injuries ? 10 out of 10 ; first round. round one wraithe total ? 20 out of 50 eowyn? clarity ? 0 out of 10 ; failure to mention details on the launch attack?was she attempting to hit his shoulder with some part of her body? (-2) ??the man's left shoulder in hopes of an attempt to grasp it?? vague statement; it should be specified how eo would grasp it (-2). failure to specify how eo would knock wrai off balance (-2). failure to specify what eo wished to achieve by attacking wrai?s left shoulder (-2). ??give a loose grip to his neck.? how would eo grip wrai?s neck and where exactly would she grip it? (-4). failure to specify what eo wished to achieve by pressing her forepaw into wrai?s stomach and attacking his neck (-3). failure to specify where upon the stomach eo wished to press her paw against (-1). powerplay ? 2 out of 10 ; this post contains conditionals [if this happens, then this will happen], and are considered powerplay because it gives you the unfair opportunity to throw in extra attacks at the other character without waiting for their reaction (-5). ??she would attempt to push her front left paw down on his stomach?? this is an assumption of position because you assume wrai would fall onto his back if eo was successful in knocking him off balance (-3). attack ? 1 out of 10 ; attempted grip to wrai?s shoulder (+1, points not awarded in full, refer to clarity section). did not count the other attacks for reasons stated in the powerplay section. defense ? 3 out of 10 ; stance squared, neck lowered, eyes narrowed. injuries ? 10 out of 10 ; first round; full dodge used. round one eowyn total ? 16 out of 50 Round 2
wraithe? clarity ? 0 out of 10 ; failure to specify the damage eo dealt upon wrai?s shoulder, i.e. moderate puncture wounds, approximate depth of puncture wounds, etc (-3). failure to specify how wrai fell, i.e. upon his left side, stomach, etc (-2). failure to specify where upon wrai?s stomach eo presses her paw against (-1). failure to specify what side wrai rolls to (-2). failure to specify where wrai is launching himself to (-2). as with the previous round, there is a failure to mention where upon eo?s chest wrai wished to strike, what he wanted to achieve by doing it, and how he would manage to do it (-6). again, there is a failure to specify which shoulder wrai is attacking, how he is attacking it [just stating that he wished to ?grip? her shoulder is vague], what he wished to achieve by attacking the shoulder, and how he would force her to the ground (-8). there was no mention of wrai regaining his footing after he rolled out from eo?s grip (-2). powerplay ? 3 out of 10 ; in regard to wrai rolling out from beneath eo, this should have been made an attempt. otherwise, it is quite unfair since eo had tried to pin him by placing her paw upon his stomach (-3). also, eo?s grip to wrai?s shoulder wasn?t fully acknowledged through the post. realistically, if eo had grasped his shoulder, this would hinder wrai?s ability to roll free from her grasp and continue to launch attacks upon her by rearing back (-4). attack ? 2 out of 10 ; attempted strike to eo?s chest with forepaws (+1, points not awarded in full, refer to clarity section). attempted attack to eo?s shoulder (+1, points not awarded in full, refer to clarity section). defense ? 0 out of 10 ; squared stance. no points awarded for being ?tense? because I don?t believe anyone would really be relaxed while fighting. two points subtracted from original score for the failure to readjust wrai?s balance as he stands upon his hinds. injuries ? 7 out of 10 ; unspecified damage to left shoulder (-3, judge?s reduction for moderate puncture wounds). round two wraithe total ? 12 out of 50 eowyn? clarity ? 2 out of 10 ; failure to specify where upon eo?s chest wrai strikes (-2). failure to mention that wrai?s attack knocked eo over [you went straight from eo being hit to rolling onto her right side] (-2). failure to mention eo regaining her footing (-2). failure to specify where eo stands in relation to wrai (-2). powerplay ? 1 out of 10 ; an overuse of dodges is looked upon as unfair, and eo managed to avoid the worst of wrai?s attacks twice in a row (-2). falling down and rolling on her side to avoid wrai?s attack to the shoulder seems unrealistic and unfair given the fact that it takes quite some time to perform these actions?much longer than it would take for wrai to try and attack her shoulder (-4). there is also too much movement in this post with eo falling and regaining her footing so quickly without time for wrai to respond; regaining eo?s footing could have been made as an attempt to avoid this (-3). attack ? 0 out of 10 ; no attacks made. defense ? 4 out of 10 ; squared stance, center of gravity lowered, narrowed eyes, skull lowered. injuries ? 8 out of 10 ; temporarily winded (-2), dodge of the attack to shoulder. round two eowyn total ? 15 out of 50 Totals:
wraithe ? 32 out of 100 eowyn ? 31 out of 100 And the winner is...
wraithe! eowyn must give up by either fleeing, passing out, or submitting. Damage:
wraithe ? moderate puncture wounds to left shoulder, will fully heal in three ooc days. eowyn ? no injuries sustained. Notes:
there was a lack of detail throughout the fight on both parts which caused the overall scores to be low. there is no such thing as being too detailed with your fights; everything can be specified to paint a clear visual within the minds of the readers of the message you are attempting to convey. how an attack is performed, where it is aimed to hit upon the opponent, and what a character wishes to achieve by performing the attack can help increase the clarity score, while including multiple defenses can increase the defense score. be wary of conditionals and avoiding too many attacks to increase your powerplay scores, as these are both looked upon as unfair to the other player. |