THERE IS MAYHEM TO MAKE

She felt his neck curve to hold her close, heard his voice as hot breath stirred her ear fur. His agonized gasp of realization brought on a stronger onslaught of tears, her body shuddering with the effort of conjuring up more of the precious liquid to spill from her mismatched, raw optics. She could feel his body quivering around her, she could feel the heat of his anger through both of their thick ebony coats. The tortured dark she wolf could tell he was holding back, and she was horrified with herself for blurting out the secret. A sick, twisted part of her was smugly grinning at the reaction she had received, the one that wanted Loki to pay for not being her saviour. The fact that such a part of her existed made her heartache worse, and she was racked with the contractions of her grief. She was grieving; for the loss of whatever innocence she had still harboured inside of her when it all began... Her brother's question sparked a battle within her, her mind and her heart quarreling over how to respond. She couldn't say anything, her throat was too sore, and her throat was squeezing itself shut. Slowly, she would nod into her brother's chest, trying to bring herself under control.
Her breathing would slow, but it shuddered through her chest uneasily, occasionally hiccupping with sorrow. As he stuttered for words, apologizing quietly into her ruff, she brought her smaller frame closer into the enveloping comfort of his familiar lanky body. "It's not your fault, Loki." She whispered, opening her eyes to look into his, bright with tears still dripping unevenly from her two toned optics. Her vocals slid from cracked ebony lips, hoarse and pained; a shadow of what it usually was. "I thought you would all think I was weak for not killing father on the spot." She murmured, squeezing her eyes shut again and gritting her teeth against the flood of emotion threatening to overcome her hastily made barrier. After so long, such a length of time without her big brother, wandering around and thinking about her woeful existence, seeing him had ripped down her carefully, painstakingly erected fortress around her heart. "He always told me, if I spoke of it, or if I made a sound, he would kill me. His teeth were always so close to my throat, I-I- I was such a coward!" She cried, flattening her ears against her head as waves of self loathing washed over her. Talons dug into the dirt as she nuzzled further into her brothers body, desperately seeking his love. She needed him, Loki was the only one who really understood her for who she was; who took her as she came and not for what she put herself out to be. Without him, she might fall apart. Unspoken were her words, hanging in the air and charged with emotion. Please don't leave me again.




"Speech"

like moving pictures in my head, for years and years they've played