take my breath away

N/A · 03-13-2014, 10:46 PM

Loneliness was beginning to eat away at the delicate flower from the inside out, starting at her core she could feel the rot slowly making its way outwards. How long before it was over? Before it dragged her under into the darkness and silence she had lived in for all of her life. For such a young girl her shoulders were already heavily burdened by the sorrows to heartache and pain. And it wasn't even for her father who had abandoned her or her mother who had disappeared or brother who was probably dead. No. She had left him. In the night she had snuck off without a word because her fear had been too much to over come. Fear had tightened her throat to the point where she could no longer speak and sometimes even breathing was hard. Sighs had slipped off her tongue before but words, howls, barks, whimpers eluded her. Still too afraid of failing to even begin to try. But now he was gone and she had nothing. The fear was spreading, reaching into her mind and screaming at her that solitude was the only answer there was when in fact all she needed in life was company. All she wanted was a friend, family and she had no way of knowing how to express such feelings. Instead all she had was the solitude of the north. Mostly there were only pack wolves here and they stayed to their territories so she was left alone. And ever alert it was easy to slip into the shadows to avoid contact with others. She wasn't ready. She had never felt ready. She needed him, needed Aeron and she had left him. At one point she had even gone pack to the once pack they had joined only to find it gone. Gone. Everything was gone.

She sat quietly, the moon almost full above her and larger then usual with an orange tint to it casting an eerie light on the frozen woods below her. Idly a paw would lift and nails would scratch at the ice surface as if maybe she could dig up the massive trees below but it was all a fantasy. Baby blues would blink back the tears that were threatening to form in her eyes. Day in and day out she hunted for herself, took care of herself and all for what? Was there a purpose? Was she simply to float through life like her parents without having any real purpose? Would she one day have children and abandon them like her mother had? She had no warm memories of her mother, having been too young to remember the times she and Luce had cuddled beneath the moonlight while her mother had cooed stories of old in a foreign langue to the attentive pup. Once upon a time Silana had loved meeting others, had even been sad when her mother had shooed her and her brothers away when the pack members had come to visit. But that was all gone. Maybe not all, some small part of her still wanted that, wanted to be loved and accepted rather then fearful of everyone and afraid of being judged.

It was as if it all built up all at one, a swell of emotion that started from a tightening of her chest and gut. It was a similar feeling to when she had eaten some bad berries and spent the whole rest of the puking up her stomach. Hind legs forced her up, and for a moment her back arched while her stomach convulsed. Ears pinned and then suddenly it happened. "Ack!" She coughed out the sound and eyes went wide. She had made that sound? Dainty paws began backing up, immediately looking around to see if a) someone else had made that sound or b) someone else was around to confirm that she had made that sound. Lips curled for a moment, teeth chewing on them as tongue flicked against the roof of her mouth. Should she try it again? What if she failed and that was a fluke? But then again. What if she didn't? Again eyes were cast around cautiously, looking to make sure no one was around before sitting down like she had seen so many others do so many times before. Drawing in an extra large breath she tipped her head back and closed her eyes. The sound flowed out as easily as her breath, tentative at first but then stronger. No particular message being carried, simply a howl to the moon, a greeting to the light. She carried on until her breath was gone and then finally her head dropped, eyes still wide in disbelief before she looked up at the moon and smiled for the first time in her life. She sounded like her mother.

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