Loyal No More [open]

Her body shook, trembling with the force of her pain, it would be one of the last times she would hurt, by the time the whelps were born she would not be the emotional creature she was today. Hardened, aloof, distant, invisible. The phantom would return. She would turn invisible to her pack mates once more, would remain unseen, out of sight and out of mind. She would return to the broken creature she had always been. It was her minds way of ensuring her survival, trapping her within her own insanity. She let herself feel pain, let it fester and spread throughout her body, she no longer cared if he stayed or if he fled, he could not help her, no one could. That wound upon his flesh, the reason it was there... it would haunt her like an unspoken demon.

She was not sure how long she cried, or how long her body quivered, she did not truly care, the pain she felt now was surely better than the nothing she would surely grow accustomed too in a short few weeks. Her heart shattered, her pups would know of no love, she would be incapable of such thing, her broken mind unable to process such things, they would be better off aborted. They were damned now. Her eyes dried and slowly her frame stopped shaking, the ball of ivory fur lying still and silent, before slowly she unfurled herself forcing her legs beneath her to rise. She could not stay here, she needed to move.

"Do not call me a lady, I am no such thing. I am a broken mess of a creature who never deserved a second chance at life. I am used, broken down, and an utter mess. I would do both Segar and Octavian a favor by vanishing. I bring naught but chaos, destruction. I have the best of intentions but everything always goes wrong. I can do nothing right, and whether that is a product of just my own misfortune or the illness that plagues my mind it matters little. Tears still drained from her eyes, but she no longer quivered or shook, and her voice was remarkably even, exhausted and drained. "Do not waste your time on me. I cannot be fixed and I was foolish to think I could be. I won't be here come the morn, its not fair that I do this to Segar, not when hes trying so hard to be better, to change. If it tis the last act of kindness I can do, let it be that." Her eyes lingered on the sea. Acceptance had settled over her a few weeks perhaps before her mind would lock her away again, she could, at least do one thing right.