i am the voice of your hunger and pain

Too long had it been since she'd last seen Flamesong, not since she'd encountered him accidentally in the old human cave in the north, not since before she'd spoken with Erani, and she found herself terribly lonely. She had Tortuga, but the pack was small, and still quiet though it was slowly regaining members... and family wasn't the same as a mate. Yes, she was beginning to admit it to herself now that he was seemingly gone from her life. She had wanted him, despite the problems caused by their belonging to different packs, as a partner, a lover, a mate - and now he was gone. Had Erani told him to stay away because she was Tortugan? Had he just grown tired of her? Had she meant anything to him at all? Stupid to have thought she could have. The emptiness and ache clawed at her heart constantly, and she'd had no wish to subject her packmates to her listlessness and moody behavior, so she'd come here, to the place she had first met him, to allow herself to be immersed in it without affecting anyone else.

The orchard was completely different now, the seasons having changed twice over since they'd met. It had been spring then, romantic and gentle with the blossoms and the buzzing of bees. Now it was fall, with the bountiful fruits that the trees and the bees had labored to make through the seasons... and only served to remind her, suddenly, of what she didn't, wouldn't, couldn't have. She'd never expected to be able to, or even want to have children. In her family pack she would never have risen to a rank to be allowed children, and she'd known and accepted that from a young age. Now, she knew Roman would allow it if she asked, but she was far to old to be starting a family. It was ridiculous for her to even have considered it, however fleetingly. It was not meant to be.

With a sigh she laid her chin on her crossed forepaws, not even bothering to fight the dark cloud of depression that sank vicious claws into her. Her eyes stared unseeingly out into the empty orchard, a troubled frown wrinkling her brow.



speech.