Meinx Vs Neios
04-12-2014, 09:39 AM
Neios vs. Meinx for Rank Round 1
Neios: 4 for clarity- -4, what part of her jaw is he attempting to slam his skull into? What part of his skull is he attempting to slam into her jaw? -2 how is he attempting to bite her throat? (is he twisting his head? If so to what side?) 0 for powerplaying. -3 ?He would keep a six foot distance between them? You need an attempt here, because otherwise you?re powerplaying and assuming 1. That Meinx wouldn?t see Neios and 2. That she would let him get that close to her. -3 ? He would come from her left side, winding around her as he came up to her right before coming to stand straight before her. ? same deduction as before. -4 ?When standing straight up he was an astonishing forty two inches, but crouched down the way he was now he was roughly thirty? Honestly, it would not really be possible for him to crouch this much without his movements being deterred. Also, don?t assume his body is already lower than hers, because Meinx could easily crouch down. You need an attempt to say that they?re at the same level. -3 ?The feet would quickly become inches? once again, don?t assume he?s able to close this distance. -4 ?upon impact? don?t assume he was able to make impact. -3 ?If he manages to smash his skull into her bottom jaw? conditional. Conditionals are unfair to the opponent as they assume a reaction, and often make the fight unnecessarily confusing. Try to avoid ones like this. Ones like ?if he manages to get a grip then he will attempt to bite down? are fine, but anything other than that tends to be too confusing. -3 In general, you need to wait for Meinx?s reaction before attempting to have Neios do any further attacks with his head, as he?s already used it once. 10 for defenses. head lowered to align with spine, ears folded, eyes narrowed, lips scrunched, chin tucked, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, knees bent, weight evenly distributed, tail, claws, toes, tensed muscles 5 for attack. +1 attempting to slam his left shoulder into her right and lift up (this would likely damage him just as much as it would damage her) +2 for head butt (once again, likely to hurt Neios just as much. Extra point for a maim attempt), +2 for attempted throat bite (full points not awarded due to power play issue, extra point given for maim attempt) 10 for injuries.First round Round Two Neios Total: 29/50 Meinx: 0 for clarity- -2 ?neck slightly strong for less access of scruff? this doesn?t really make sense. Being strong isn?t a defense, nor would it give less access to her scruff. -2 what damage is done to her chest? You need to specify. -2 same for the damage to her jaw. You need to specify what damage has occurred. -4 ?center of his side? isn?t really specific enough. How high up his side? How is she attempting to bite his side? -2 ?she would angle her head in attempt to get a greater chunk.? How is she angling her head? -4 Where is she attempting to collide on his leg? His upper leg? Lower leg? 0 for powerplaying. -3 ?she would be sure to keep herself moving back to make the distance between them greater, atleast a further 2 or 3 more meters away? you need to make this an attempt, especially since Neios is seeking to close the distance between them. -7 ? As he'd lunge Meinx would quickly pivot 90 degrees to her right to become in a T like position [now facing Neios's left side].? Two things; one that?s a lot of movement to make in a second, and it?s not really likely she?d be able to move that fast. Two, you need to attempt this movement, as otherwise it?s a powerplay to assume that Meinx would be able to align herself like that with Neios. -3 ?Meinx was now facing his left side? see previous note, should be phrased as an attempt or a hopefully. -5 ?If she was successful, she would have taken a big chunk from his side? don?t assume what would happen. This is up to Aislyn to decide, not you. You can state it could potentially do something, but can?t definitively say that a chunk would be taken. 9 for defenses. eyes slit, ears pinned back, chin tucked, hackles raised, balanced stance, toes digging into ground, tail, teeth bared, legs bent 1 for attack. +1 attempting to bite his side (points deducted for lack of realism (she?d have to reach her neck awful far, as in a T position her head would be closest to Neios?s head. Turning her head away from him like that would also make her exceedingly vulnerable to his attack. Extra point awarded for maim attempt) +0 attempting to collide her right shoulder with Neios?s left limb (not possible due to their positioning, would hurt her as much as it would hurt Neios. Also, given that he is much taller than her, it?s not likely that her raising up to her full height would have much effect) 10 for injuries. first round. Slight bruising to chest, unspecified damage to jaw Round One Meinx Total: 20/50 Round 2
Neios: 2 for clarity- -2 ?His unsheathed claws gripped the earth? Wolf claws don?t unsheathe. They?re always unsheathed. -2 please elaborate on the damage done to his skull as a result of the impact. -4 how is he attempting to bite her scruff? Where on her scruff is he attempting to bite? 0 for powerplaying. -2 even if it?s minor, you should assume that his shoulder would bruise from hitting Meinx. Shoulders are incredibly easy to bruise, and thus they?re likely to bruise almost every time they?re used in an attack. -3 you need to have an attempt for him to face her. -3 it?s a bit too much movement to have him completely turn to face her and be ready to counter her body slam like that. -3 ?Should he reign successful? conditional, -3 similar note, only more it?s a worse offense as you?re saying Meinx?s attack hit as intended but did no damage 10 for defenses. head aligned with spine, ears folded back, eyes narrowed, lips scrunched, chin tucked, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, knees bent, weight evenly distributed, tail, claws gripping earth, toes spread, muscles tensed 3 for attack. +2 attempting to bite her scruff (deductions given because it would really expose his throat to her) +1 for additional attempt to shake her 3 for injuries. -2 for pain to skull, -1 for minor bruising to shoulder (assessed by judge) -3 deep wound to side -1 for moderate bruising to chest (assessed by judge) Round Two Neios Total: 18/50 Meinx: 3 for clarity--2 specify what damage occurred to her scruff -5 ?aim to grasp just slightly above his right leg? how is she attempting to bite? Can you specify more what you mean by attempting to bite above his leg? Do you mean his shoulder? 5 for powerplaying. -5 even with her attempted counter, there should be some mention of her being thrown even slightly off balance or her neck being sprained. 4 for defenses. eyes slit, ears pinned back, teeth barred/lips peeled, tail, legs bent, limbs spread, muscles tense. -3 for not readjusting weight after she lifts her leg up 4 for attack. +4 for stomping down on toes (extra point awarded for maim attempt) +0 for bite above leg (if she?s lowering down biting above his leg wouldn?t really be possible, also it would be kind of awkward and would make her sort of vulnerable as her neck would be across his chest and Neios could easily push forwards and damage her neck. 4 for injuries. -3 severe damage to scruff -3 sprained neck (assessed by judge) Round Two Meinx Total: 20/50 Totals:
Neios: 47/100 Meinx: 40/100 And the winner is...
Neios! Meinx must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Damage:
Neios- Deep wound to side. Will take 2 ooc weeks to heal, and will scar permanently.. Meinx- Deep wound to scruff/sprained neck. Will take 3 ooc weeks to heal, scruff will permanently scar. Damage to mouth will take 3 ooc weeks to heal. Notes:
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here) For both of you, you need to be more specific. This fight was a fun read, and I certainly enjoyed the creativity, but you need to be more specific and more realistic. For Aislyn Be careful about assuming where Neios is in relation to his opponent. Even before the fight begins, use attempt phrases such as ?attempting to close the distance to 6 feet, attempting to circle around her? otherwise it?s a powerplay. Also keep in mind about specifying how an attack is made, and where it?s made. If you?re attacking somebody?s left leg, for instance, say that you?re attempting to twist your head to your right and bite in the middle of the upper left leg. It?s a much clearer picture than just trying to bite a leg. In general, I applaud you for being realistic about damage and attacks, as well as for using Neios?s size to his advantage! For Luisiana Similar to Aislyn, but also perhaps read over your posts a few times. There were a few phrases that threw me off that I couldn?t understand. Also, when a smaller character is fighting a larger one, it?s important that more attacks are included. In the future when Meinx is fighting larger characters, try to aim for about 3 attacks in one post. Your attacks need a lot more specificity, as I mentioned in my notes. In general I do applaud your creativity, especially in your counters. I loved the last bit where you used her defenses and her weight effectively, but keep in mind that it is rare that you?ll find a counter that works perfectly. Good fight you guys! - By [MUSE]
|