Alpine was an asshole. There wasn't really any other way to put it, and he was to honest to label himself any other way. He strolled in the soft light of night and silver stars and beneath its glow it was easy to recall everything to mind. He remembered the first encounter on the crystal cliffs, when he had faced his fear of heights and met the beauty he had come to know as Lyric. He had even joined Valhalla just to be near her! He remembered a few days slipping past without seeing her, and then searching for her, saving her from the tar pits. The build up of his emotions, the fear and worry for her and urged him into approaching Erani. He had admitted to his leader that he loved her daughter, that he wanted to court her. He had taken her once on a stroll, with flower meant for her in his jaw. It had been nice, but he had still been too shy to approach the subject on his mind. All that had been a while ago, and since then he had fallen to an earthquake and been out of commission for a while with the injuries, taken on the duty of training a pup and entered any spar match he could for the experience to better teach Erion.
The white brute had felt a connection and protectiveness for any mothers in the pack ripe with child, and he had spent long hours hunting for them and leaving the prey by their dens to ensure they where well feed. He had met Twig... had met her broken and seen her to health. So much had happened in his time within Valhalla that he felt like a different wolf. His insides where changed even as his outer showed little but a small scar upon his brow for these new experiences. In all this time he had seen nothing of Lyric, in fact so busy had he been that he had barely had a thought of her in his mind. He felt it now, felt all of it and the shame trembled his legs and swirled headaches in his mind. He had promised to court her, had taken her out once with the promise of more and had not fulfilled this promise. In this, he had betrayed her, by forgetting her he had unwillingly wronged her and he felt a fool for his actions.
He knew that she had barely entered his mind, and so many other wolves had found a place now within his heart, and one, in particular had stood out there and gained priority over all. His friendship with Twig had washed out all his other ties and little golden strand that tied him to Lyric had somehow been washed away without his even noticing. He knew he had to do something, he could not leave her waiting any longer and he could not promise her something he no longer had to give. But how could he explain to her? What could he say? ?I'm sorry Lyric, you didn't even cross my mind, and in forgetting you and breaking all my promises I now have to end things with us before they begin because I can not promise I wont forget again and do not know why you weren't in my mind. Surely if I truly loved you you would have always been in my thoughts, and this commission of memory I can not promise that I love you and can not promise myself to you if I might betray you again here in my memory's? he closed his eyes, fighting back a wave of nausea and hate that he suddenly felt towards himself. He was a fool, a cruel and heartless fool. But he could not be a coward in this, and could not and would not take any more steps in this betrayal he had done to her. His paws had brought her towards her den, but he shivered, and for a moment paused to feel his trembling legs. He wasn't ready! How could he ever be ready, how could he ever find the right words? Feeling raw, and empty, he took the last few steps to her den and barked softly to tell her he was there.
So if you love me, let me go.
And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care.
I can't destroy what isn't there.
"Speech"
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