Kassander Xanilov

How I would play him: (Subject to changes as he grows up, of course)

Kassander is very driven, for his interest in healing only strengthened after seeing the suffering of the plague and experiencing Elsa's death. He is frustrated that he doesn't know even more about healing or why the three chosen herbs where the cure to the sickness.

He isn't fond of things that don't make sense, even if they don't make sense only to him. He also has a habit of over-complicating things. Why is the heir chosen by some stupid chance? Why don't people just see and know what's right? Why can't he understand everything all the time? He dreads in the unexplained and it is easily a pet peeve of his when he feels someone is hiding something from him. Sometimes he gets so absorbed in his project that he'll forget almost all other things, but when he finishes a project, it is usually well worth the effort.

When in intense thought, Kassander can get a little stand-offish and tense until he finds the answer. When he gets too much pressure built up, he reacts sometimes physically, shaking himself, going for a run, or sometimes, doing absolutely nothing until his anxiety can calm down. A perfectionist, even to a fault, though he may never realize it. He loves learning, though, and so looking back on his struggles, he feels that if there is something to be learned from it, that it was worth it. Even his social interactions could be seen as experiments if he plays them right, and though he is reserved, he takes enjoyment in watching others interact.

Sometimes he questions whether or not he would choose learning over everything else, and whether his curiosity is truly an obsession that consumes everything else in his life, but then he remembers those close to him. Though appearing more distant, Kassander feels strongly towards those close to them. As a side affect, they can see all his flaws, all his frustrations, and get under his skin.

As much as he hates it, the ones closest to him are the ones who will inevitably hurt him the most, and because they are close to him, he will let them know it. Any negativity he gets from them, he'll mull over for longer than necessary. Even when they hurt him, and even when he blows up on them, he knows he loves them. He has built up a severe fear of losing those that he loves, which may make him more protective over them, or it may make him draw away from them, afraid to get hurt. With his closer relations, he can pour out his feelings and findings, anything from excited ramblings to feverish rants, though he mostly tries to keep it short.

Kass is quick to excite, but also quick to cool, often feeling like being in control of his feelings is part of being intelligent. "Only fools react on the impulse of emotions" he'll think, of course those close to him see his emotions from time to time. He only sees it as discipline, others may see it as being broody, closed off, or even cold. He is prone to over-thinking and often grits his jaw when stressed, leading to headaches, making his anxieties worse, which causes him to sometime be snappy. He really does at least try to be nice sometimes, if only he could relax a little and let some of his projects go.

When his projects go well, he can be quite chipper, even occasionally humming, or finding a trusted partner to ramble about for a short bit. He thinks these behaviors are a bit silly, but when he's actually happy, it's hard for him to contain himself as well as he usually does.

Motivated || Curious || Self-contained || Disciplined || Tense when pensive || Perfectionist || Sensitive (to those closest)



Sample Post:

It took a while- longer than he expected- but he was finally coming to grips with some of the facts in his life; the cold, hard facts. They hurt, but he knew they were true. He couldn't save Elsa, and he couldn't save the plague. Both were failures and Kassander couldn't find a meaning or reason to either of them. He tried to take comfort in the fact that the sickness was cured, and that if it came about again, they would know how to cure it. Horsetail, Alfalfa, and Valerian Root; the three herbs that he would keep in stock always, having their scent and image burned into his mind so fervently that occasionally, when he closed his eyes to sleep, he would see their stalks swaying in the wind, all together. He would name them each in his head, and list off what each did, pondering how they were the cure to the sickness.

He was getting back to his pack. He never really left, but he had drawn away to find a cure for the sickness. He drew away from even Val, terrified that he may lose her. That was the wrong choice. He knew that was the wrong choice. Why had he done that? He told himself that it was all to find the cure, but he knew that at least a part of it was because he was scared. Kassander never claimed to be brave, but he expected himself to have better control over himself than that, yet when he wanted to visit his sister, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Maybe she hated him now- that would make sense. The thought still hurt though.

Kassander found himself gritting his teeth, though only after his head started pounding. He had in good mind to just go back to his den and sleep. Silently, he wished he had some lavender, but he had run out long ago. A multitude of herbs whisked by in his mind, but none of them helped headaches much. The disease trio kept coming up in his head. Alfalfa, Horsetail, and Valerian Root. Again, Alfalfa, Horsetail, and Valerian Root. He almost couldn't shake the thoughts, but he did, through shaking himself physically. He tried to force his muscles to relax, this whole journey would do him no good if he was tense and snappy.

Still, Kass's heart beat faster and faster. What if his family really did hate him? What if they held a grudge against him like he did against his mother? He told himself it didn't matter; he needed to get back, to see if everyone was okay. He wanted them to welcome him back. He wanted them to say they needed him and for him to never leave again. He wanted to feel needed. Kassander knew he was being selfish, but he found that he wanted their acceptance. In his time alone he closed off to everyone. The walls around his heart grew stronger and drew closer until it hurt for his heart to even beat anymore. He couldn't take it anymore. He didn't need to let the others know how badly he needed them, but he really did need them, he had decided. Even though he liked his solitude, he was no good being completely alone. He needed his family. He needed to go home.