Shelter For My Soul

Everything was forgotten after the words that Crucifix spoke. Nothing mattered, because her heart was breaking bit by bit. She pulled back from the comfort of his chest, his warmth feeling more like a felled flame. It was too hot, too much anger. His eyes scared her, and she flinched away from him as if he was going to strike her. And by the sounds of his words, she almost wish she had. A strike would heal with time, but those words cut deeper than any claw could. Tears poured down her face, a horrible sob breaking free from her maw. Othello stumbled back from him, needing to get away from the ugliness. This was not the being that she cared for, this was a reflection of her own inner being. He snapped, she had finally pushed him over the edge. Scrambling backwards, she stumbled over her own paws and fell, landing on the earth with a thud. But that was nothing, nothing compared to the pain that he had just caused her.

Terrible sounds poured from her maw, such a broken cry one would think she was dying. At this moment, she almost wished she had. Shying away from Crucifix, she pulled herself to a standing position, although she was crouched low in an almost submissive way. "F-f-find my-y-yself?" She slurred, her crying making it hard to choke out words. She shook her head furiously, scattering tears onto the sand. "H-how c-c-can I lo-love my-myself when n-n-n-no one ha-has lov-loved me?" She asked, her hurt eyes searching his face. Was her dear Cru in there somewhere? Couldn't he see that he had been helping her? She tried to show it, tried to tell him that she was getting better. She hadn't donned on a mask around him, she thought that she didn't need to. Clearly she had been wrong. She was right to fear herself, because this is what happened. She pushed him away, and it tore her up inside.

Othello didn't know what to do with herself. She wanted to run, but didn't even have the strength. She wanted to plead with him, but was afraid to open up again. She had guarded herself to the point where no one could get in, and as soon as she had, they destroyed her. All hopes of him ever loving her were dashed, and it was all her fault. "I th-thought t-th-that you s-s-s-saw th-that I h-have been try-try-trying. I w-w-was b-b-beat-en f-f-for th-th-three y-years b-because m-m-my own fath-ther cou-couldn't l-l-love m-me. I'v-ve be-been try-trying. I... I n-n-need y-you. O-only y-y-you can s-sh-show m-me." She was pleading, begging him. Othello had told herself not to, but panic was starting to set in. What would she be without him? He was the only one who had cared about her enough to even show her that she could be worth something. She hadn't seen it, hadn't even noticed that he had tried to prove it to her. He told her that she was, but she didn't believe it. Or was it that she wouldn't let herself see it? For so long had she been suppressed into a dark corner, that it almost became her comfort zone. It had been all that she had known, her security blanket. When Cru tried to show her out, she had been afraid and had dealt with it the only way she knew how, which was to push him away.

She didn't dare take a step forward, but she needed to do something with her cowering body. The sobs were making her chest ache, so when she tried to step back once more she tripped again and fell on her belly. This time the air seemed to whoosh out of her lungs, the impact as well as her already sore chest leading to her knocking the air out of her own self. It didn't last long, she only gasped a few times before another cry of sorrow pushed its way out. Pathetic, she knew she was. But she was so hurt, so... broken, that she didn't know what else to do. "P-p-please d-do-don't le-leave m-m-me. P-p-please Cru-u-ucifix." Begging, groveling. Although she was scared to, she crawled towards the silver male, licking his paws and his legs as soon as she could reach them. Her tears fell around them, and the broken fae looked up at him. She couldn't let him go, she just couldn't. It was too hard to picture, too hard to even imagine him not being there. "Crucifix." She said, coating his legs in her sweet, sad kisses. "I-I'll d-d-do an-anything. An-anything. P-p-ple-please." She turned her body and curled herself around his front legs, resting her head on his paws as she tried to get herself sorted. She needed to calm her tears. Squeezing her eyes shut she focused on her breathing as it skipped from the tears, trying to get her sobbing in order so she could actually talk like a normal wolf.

"P-please sh-show me how to l-love myself. S-show me the j-joys in li-life that I was de-deprived of." Othello said shakily, her vocals somewhat stronger than they had been before. She stumbled over a few words, but other than that it was as clear as it could be at the moment. Maybe if he explained it to her again, maybe if she allowed him to truly tell her she was worth his time, she would listen. Maybe she would finally take his lessons to heart. "J-just answer m-me t-this. Am I w-worth your t-time?" Maybe from this answer she could grow, and they could develop together. Just... maybe.

Othello looked up at his face once more, resting her neck and chin on the incline of his legs. Her purple eyes were rimmed with red from the pressure of her tears, but she needed to see his face when he answered her. It was all in his paws now. If he said no, she would leave and he would never have to see her again. But if he said yes, and allowed her to stay with him, only then could she truly have faith that they could do this. She wouldn't be able to live without him, so if he said no she didn't know what to do. Would her inner demon take over like Crucifix's had? There was no way of knowing until the answer came to her.