The Ghosts that We Knew

ooc: please ask if you want to join, I'll find a healer to bring in soon.
Note, Linne? is dead. She exists now as a figment of Baldur's imagination she doesn't really exist. Just a hallucination or ghost.

Injuries: Apart from nearly drowning Baldur is suffering from deep lacerations to his shoulders, left hip and the left side of his neck. There are several other minor scratches and bruises. His right back ankle bears a festering, infected wound.

Cold? everything was so damn cold. Baldur was standing at the edge of a frozen lake just staring down into the blackness. He let his thoughts tumble down, and down and down? Blood was pouring off him from his latest battle with his uncles. He'd lost? again. But they managed to rescue a few pups but Hodr?. his twin, his brother. Was now dead. Had his eyes ripped right from his head in some cruel joke. Eviscerated like prey. And then there was Linne?... He could see her lying there. Disembowled, innards strewn about like some piece of demented art. Linne?, his lover, the one he would do anything for had been slain on a frozen winter day much like this. Bright red on brilliant white and wretched black. Betrayed to to his violent, abusive uncle Ve by his brother Tyr. The ultimate betrayal that had led to the demise of the one wolf that had managed to keep him sane through his experiences in a home that could only be described as hellish. She'd been alive when he'd found her?. barely. But the only word, her last word had simply been "look". Look? Look at what? At what his foolishness had done? at what his trust had done? Baldur's eyes squeezed shut and he looked away from the memories that he'd forgotten, that he stashed away and that were now free again to wound him. But closing his eyes didn't help, it never did. The pale brute dimly became aware of the cracks forming around his feet but his brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what that meant. Tears began to fall from his eyes? gods he missed her. He missed her so bad it was nearly unbearable. How could he ever forgive himself? How could he ever forgive Tyr? A violent growl ripped through his throat as cracks further laced themselves below him. He'd kill that fucking bastard! ?but what about the awful things Baldur himself had done? He was every bit as much of a monster as Ve? as that disgusting son of a bitch he wanted to torture in the worst ways possible. Was Ve right? Were they similar in more than coat color? He swallowed. He'd done some pretty despicable, unforgivable things at the paws of his father and uncles. Baldur moved and trudged blindingly forward. Crack. What was he supposed to do now? Crreeaakk. If he were descent he'd piss on a bear and let the beast rip him to shreds. But? well.. he wasn't descent now was he? CRACK. Ohhhh no he was a nasty little beastie and a coward who couldn't even face up to the crimes of others let alone his own. And a kind, gentle, innocent had suffered for it. It should be him at the bottom of some lake not her- CRASHHHH! The ice below him collapsed and the wolf hit the icy lake. Black water oozed up around him as his lungs and limbs seized in the sudden shock of cold. Part of him was ready to fight but the other part? well he had said it'd be better if it was him, right. Powerful limbs surged as he threw his head above the water. No, there was nothing he could do. He'd tried! Claws scrapped against ice! No, no, darling, he hadn't done nearly enough. He should've known better than to leave Hodr alone. Shouldn't known better than to wait another day to run away with Linne?. If he weren't such a FUCKING IDIOT they'd both be alive. Baldur's head fell under the water once more, ice shivering it's way down into his lungs. Thor would be sad. Maybe some of the others? could he do this to them? Could he stop fighting? Claws scrapped against the underside of the ice as he realized that the current had shifted him. Fuck. Where was the opening. Baldur's head banged violently against the ice, his lungs burned as he started to panic. Well fuck it all anyway? maybe Thor could pretend he'd wandered off and lived happily ever after. That would be nice enough wouldn't it? No cold reality freezing their veins, just a bright happy fantasy! He'd been happier then? ignorance was bliss. Ignorance was innocence. Ignorance was the hope that he was a better person than he actually was and that nothing really bad had ever happened to him. A promise that he wasn't as broken as his brothers. That some how through it all he was the one to make it out in one pieces. Ha. Ha. Hahahahahahahaha?.. Baldur wasn't sure why he was laughing but water quickly pounded down his lungs and he choked. Well shit? what a perfectly boring way to go. What a stupid way to go. Dumbass walks out onto a frozen lake? sounded like the beginning of a really bad joke. But he was a joke, wasn't he? "No, Baldur, you're not?. why are you doing this to me?" Eyes clenched closed at the fog in his brain and the biting pain that was rapidly numbing his body. He was dying. That's all it was. "Open your eyes!" The fuck was this? "Look! Baldur, please open your eyes!" "No? no? I CANT! I don't want to see any more of this!" "You don't need to be afraid any more! I'm here! I forgive you! Please open your eyes. Look at me! Everything will be alright." "?." "LOOK!" Baldur's eyes snapped open to a world of liquid darkness with one spot of ice blue light peering down at him. The opening he'd fallen into. Vision blurred, limbs shook and seized but he pushed witheverything he was worth. The voice? oh gods was it Linne?? It couldn't be. "Yes! Baldur swim! Don't give in!" Blood swirled around him as he swam but by some miracle he'd made it to the surface and hauled himself out before collapsing spread eagle on the ice. Ice blue eyes rolled forward to stare at a snow white femme smiling down at him with her mismatched gaze. One sapphire blue eye the other a lavendar. The sweetest smile on her face. An angel. He smiled weakly as she moved to wrap herself around him and he started to cry. There was so much he wanted to ask but he wasn't going to get the change. He could hear her screaming his name as his head hit the ice and he fell once again into darkness, his soul praying he'd see her light again.