FLAWLESS
06-28-2014, 09:19 PM
viridiana v erani for valhalla ROUND ONE
VIRIDIANA ----- clarity -- 4 out of 10 ; unspecified as to which side of erani?s neck that vi is attacking (-1). failure to specify what vi hopes to achieve with her attempted bite to erani?s neck (-1). failure to specify which part of erani?s chest vi hopes to impact (-2). failure to specify which part of vi?s chest hopes to impact erani?s chest (-2). powerplay -- 8 out of 10 ; ?...trying to throw her chest into erani?s and force her back?? forcing erani backwards should be an intention, not a guarentee (-2). defenses -- 8 out of 10 ; knees bent, widened stance, neck scrunched, shoulders rolled, chin tucked, jaws gaping, ears pinned, eyes narrowed, tail out, claws gripping, hackles raised. subtracted two points for failure to redistribute her balance as she raises herself upon her hinds (one point subtracted for each leg that isn?t grounded). attack -- 3 out of 10 ; attempt to bite into erani?s lower neck (+2, points not awarded in full due to clarity issue). throwing her chest into erani?s chest (+1, points not awarded in full due to multiple clarity issues). scratching at erani?s chest (+0, ineffective tactic--wolves? claws are dull and especially wouldn?t impact the chest where fur runs pretty thick). injuries -- 10 out of 10 ; first round. round one viridiana total --- 33 out of 50 ERANI ----- clarity -- 0 out of 10 ; failure to specify where erani is in relation to vi (-1). which part of erani?s chest is attempting to impact vi?s right shoulder? (-2) you say vi?s right shoulder impacts erani?s right shoulder, but erani had just attempted to counter vi by throwing her chest into vi?s right shoulder, so it doesn?t make much sense (-3). failure to specify the intensity of the bruising upon erani?s right shoulder (-2). which part of erani?s chest is attempting to impact vi?s left shoulder? (-2) failure to specify why vi?s bite to erani?s lower neck landed even lower than anticipated (-2). what part of erani is pushing ?forward and downward? into what part of vi? (-3). powerplay -- 5 out of 10 ; this was way too much movement for one post. you have erani first charging forward to meet vi?s assault, hoping to hit vi?s right shoulder with her chest, then hoping to hit vi?s left shoulder with her chest, hoping then to hit vi?s throat with her right shoulder, and finally attempting to push her chest forward into vi to stop herself from being pushed back. give your opponent time to respond to each attack rather than attempt so many attacks at once, otherwise it just makes everything confusing (-5). defenses -- 10 out of 10 ; squared stance, hackles raised, shoulders rolled, abdomen tensed, toes splayed, claws gripping, tail out, eyes narrowed, ears pinned, teeth exposed. attack -- 4 out of 10 ; attempting to charge forward to meet vi?s assault, hoping to throw her chest into vi?s right shoulder (+1, points not awarded in full due to multiple clarity issues). hoping to gain control of vi?s skull by an attempted bite to upper right neck (+3). attempting to throw her chest into vi?s left shoulder (+0, points not awarded due to the fact that vi and erani would be right shoulder to right shoulder if vi had successfully managed to strike erani?s right shoulder with her own). attempt to strike vi?s windpipe with right shoulder (+0, points not awarded due to powerplay issue). injuries -- 10 out of 10 ; first round, bruising to right shoulder and mild scratch to right shoulder round one erani total --- 29 out of 50 ROUND TWO
VIRIDIANA ----- clarity -- 0 out of 10 ; failure to specify the intensity and location upon vi?s chest of vi?s bruise from erani?s shoulder (-3). failure to specify the damage done from erani?s teeth--minor, moderate, severe lacerations? (-1). failure to specify upon which side of vi?s face that erani cuts (-2). failure to specify which of erani?s legs that vi is attempting to bite (-2). it is never clearly stated that vi reinstates her balance upon all fours again--only that vi pushed back, and not that her forelimbs successfully landed back on the ground again (-2). from my understanding, vi and erani have their right halves overlapped, so it is unlikely that vi would manage to throw her right shoulder into erani?s left shoulder unless vi stepped to her right, which she did not (-2). powerplay -- 8 out of 10 ; ?...trying to throw her off balance should her grab at the woman?s lower leg land.? minor conditional--the success of vi throwing erani off balance depends upon her original attack landing (-2). defenses -- 10 out of 10 ; widened stance, claws gripping, neck scrunched, shoulders rolled, abdomen tightened, eyes narrowed, lips peeled back, ears pinned, tail out, skull lowered, chin tucked. attack -- 3 out of 10 ; bite to erani?s ankle (+2, points not awarded in full due to clarity issue). attempting to throw her right shoulder into erani?s left shoulder (+1, points not awarded in full due to unlikeliness of the attack). injuries -- 6 out of 10 ; severe bruising to chest (-3, you clarified the bruising to be severe in your notes but not the actual post where it is needed). minor lacerations to cheek (-1, again, you clarified in your notes but not the actual post). round two viridiana total --- 27 out of 50 ERANI ----- clarity -- 4 out of 10 ; what part of erani?s chest hopes to impact vi?s right shoulder? (-2) whereabouts on erani?s right foreleg did vi manage to bite? the forelimb is a pretty long area (-2). failure to specify the location of erani?s bruise from vi?s attack--you say the right side, but where upon the right side? (-2) powerplay -- 0 out of 10 ; there was no clear attempt to reposition erani at an angle to vi?s right side, which would be the only way that erani would be able to bite towards the back of vi?s spine and hit behind vi?s ribs with her right shoulder. from my understanding, vi and erani have been right shoulder to right shoulder throughout the fight thus far, so it?s confusing and unfair to just change positions without an attempt to have done so (-5). ?...should erani gain her target, she would attempt to sink her teeth in to the gums, her head attempting to shake violently?? minor conditional--erani?s skull-shaking depends upon her success of her attempted bite to the spine, which has not landed yet (-2). it is not up to you to decide what mild and severe damage to vi would be, in reference to erani?s bite to the spine where you dictate what each will be. it is up to dee to decide what mild and severe damage to her character would be (-3). defenses -- 10 out of 10 ; squared stance, tail tucked, hackles raised, ears pinned, lips peeled back, shoulders rolled, abdomen tightened, chin tucked, toes splayed, claws gripping. attack -- 6 out of 10 ; attempt to throw her chest into vi?s right shoulder (+2, points not awarded in full due to clarity issue), attempted bite to the lumbar region of vi?s spine (+2, points not awarded in full due to major pp issue, point added for maim attempt), attempt to drive her right shoulder behind vi?s right-sided ribcage (+2, points not awarded in full due to major pp issue). injuries -- 6 out of 10 ; deep puncture wounds to right foreleg (-3), minor bruising to right side (-1). round two erani total --- 26 out of 50 ROUND THREE
VIRIDIANA ----- clarity -- 0 out of 10 ; where upon vi?s upper jaw and specifically how much damage was done there as erani moves her right forelimb out of the way? (-2) where, what side, and how much damage is done to vi?s ribcage as a result of erani?s shoulder strike to it? (-3) in what direction do vi?s hips swing out, and what side of erani is vi attempting to bring herself perpendicular to? (-2) where upon the spine does erani?s bite start? the spine is a fairly long area (-1). which of vi?s shoulders is attempting to collide with which of erani?s shoulders? (-2) powerplay -- 6 out of 10 ; erani attempted first to meet vi?s shoulder with her chest and then attempted to strike vi?s ribcage with her right shoulder, not the other way around. you had vi respond to the ribcage attack first and then the attack to vi?s shoulder--pay attention and respond according to the timing (-2). ?should she gain the hold she would clamp down, attempting to do as much internal damage as possible and then shake violently?? minor conditional--vi?s skull shaking depends upon the success of her attempted bite, which has not landed yet (-2). defenses -- 9 out of 10 ; widened stance, knees bent, neck scrunched, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, toes splayed, claws gripping, eyes narrowed, lips peeled back, ears pinned, jaws gaping, chin tucked. subtracted one point for failure to redistribute her balance upon her grounded limbs as she lifts her left forepaw. attack -- 9 out of 10 ; attempt to meet erani?s shoulder with her own (+2, points not awarded in full due to clarity issue). attempt to clamp down upon erani?s right abdomen area in hopes of causing internal damage (+4, extra point given for maim attempt). attempt to crush erani?s right hind paw with her left forepaw (+3). injuries -- 4 out of 10 ; unspecified damage to upper jaw (-1). unspecified damage to ribcage (-2). deep lacerations extending from spine to hip on either side (-3). round three viridiana total --- 28 out of 50 ERANI ----- clarity -- 0 out of 10 ; what is the location of erani?s moderate bruise? (-2). how does erani move to keep her and vi in their original position? which direction? (-2) what is the intensity of the bruising to erani?s right shoulder as it hits vi?s own? (-1) where upon erani?s right side does vi bite? (-2) from where is erani attempted to become perpendicular to vi? (-2) what part of erani?s chest seeks to impact vi?s right flank? (-2) powerplay -- 0 out of 10 ; ?should her attack land, she would attempt to shake her head hard to either side and grind her back teeth on the joint, while simultaneously to suddenly rear up and take vi?s leg, and balance, with her, to possibly dislocate the right hind leg?? two conditionals--both attacks depend upon the success of her bite landing (-4). ?should she have her opponent?s leg in her jaws, she would abruptly yank her jaws away?? another minor conditional (-2). this seemed like a lot of movement to make in one post. first, erani moved to cut off vi?s attempt at being perpendicular, so that?s about 90 degrees right there. and then she attempted to bring herself perpendicular to vi again, so that?s another 90 degrees, which now makes a full 180. then, she moves forward in hopes of shaking vi?s balance. not only that, but she also attempts to grab vi?s limb, pull it up, and let go of it. give your opponent time to respond to your movements (-5). defenses -- 9 out of 10 ; hackles raised, ears pinned, eyes narrowed, tail tucked, abdomen tensed, toes splayed, claws gripping, chin tucked, shoulders rolled. attack -- 6 out of 10 ; attempt to worsen the damage to vi?s right hip as she pulls her jaws away (+1). attempted bite to vi?s right hind hock (+3, no points awarded for the additional attacks to it due to pp issue). attempted slam of chest into vi?s right flank (+2). injuries -- 7 out of 10 ; moderate gash to right side (-3). round three erani total --- 22 out of 50 ROUND FOUR
VIRIDIANA ----- clarity -- 4 out of 10 ; what side of erani is vi attempting to keep herself perpendicular with? (-2) what part of erani impacts what part of vi, and what damage is done because of it? (-4) powerplay -- 6 out of 10 ; ?should her grab land she would not hesitate to shake to maximize damage?? minor conditional, i?ve already explained about head shaking in previous rounds (-2). bit too much movement with vi lifting her right hind limb up and down and up and down (-2). defenses -- 10 out of 10 ; limbs bent to lower herself, stance widened, ears pinned, eyes narrowed, lips peeled back, jaws gaping, shoulders rolled, abdomen tensed, tail tucked, toes splayed, claws gripping. attack -- 8 out of 10 ; attempt to bite into erani?s womb (+4, one extra point given for maim attempt, no points awarded for additional attacks to it due to pp issue). attempting to blind erani?s right eye with her right hind claws (+4, one extra point given for maim attempt). injuries -- 8 out of 10 ; moderate bruising to lower right-sided ribcage (-2, you clarified in your notes but not the actual post where it is needed), counter to erani?s attempt to bite her right hind leg and thus pending damage. round four viridiana total --- 36 out of 50 ERANI ----- clarity -- 2 out of 10 ; what is the intensity and location of erani?s bruising? (-3) in which direction does erani?s hips pivot out of range of vi?s teeth? (-2) what does erani intend to achieve by slamming her forepaw onto vi?s? (-1) what part of erani?s chest intends to impact vi?s right shoulder? (-2) powerplay -- 7 out of 10 ; in regard to erani spinning to her right, in order to successfully align her left shoulder with vi?s right side, she would have to spin almost completely around, which is a lot of movement to make (-3). defenses -- 10 out of 10 ; squared stance, toes splayed, claws gripping, abdomen tensed, hackles raised, eyes narrowed, lips peeled back, ears pinned, shoulders rolled, chin tucked, tail tucked. attack -- 7 out of 10 ; attempted bite to vi?s windpipe (+3). left forepaw seeking to slam onto vi?s right forepaw (+2, points not awarded in full due to clarity issue). attempting to slam into vi?s right shoulder to shake her balance (+2, points not awarded in full due to clarity issue). injuries -- 2 out of 10 ; unspecified bruising somewhere (-2). severe lacerations to lower right-sided ribs (-3). severe lacerations to muzzle (-3). round four erani total --- 28 out of 50 TOTALS
viridiana -- 124 out of 200 erani -- 105 out of 200 AND THE WINNER IS...
viridiana! erani must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. as the winner, vi obtains power over valhalla and its members, and is exempt from being challenged for valhalla for two ooc weeks. DAMAGE
viridiana -- minor lacerations to right cheek, will not scar (five ooc days to heal), minor cut and bruising to right-sided upper jaw, will not scar (three ooc days to heal), deep lacerations extending from base of spine to right hip (will scar, and take ten ooc days to heal), various bruises to chest, right shoulder, and right-sided ribcage (will be sore for about five ooc days), pending damage from erani's final attack. erani -- mild laceration to right shoulder, will not scar (five ooc days to heal), deep puncture wounds to right forelimb above the knee, will scar (seven ooc days to heal), severe gashes to right-sided ribs, will scar (takes ten ooc days to heal), severe lacerations to muzzle, will scar (takes seven ooc days to heal), various bruising to right shoulder, right side, and chest (will be sore for about five ooc days). NOTES
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here) dee -- your biggest issue was clarity; it is very important to specify as much as you possibly can to paint a clear visual within your readers' heads. take a look at the notes i wrote for further information. brie -- your major issue was mostly too much movement. i realize that some other judges are fine with the whole skull shaking thing, but to me, it is a conditional since it depends upon an initial bite landing. too much movement is considered unfair--i went more into detail about it throughout the notes, so be sure to read over them thoroughly! judging by [ aly ]
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