Custom Concern

Once the conversation resumed I was able to relax again. Though Jupiter's outward expression was informal her presence and diction was authoritative, though not in a negative way. It was comforting to be around a person who was sure of their selves and such characteristics were especially good in a leader. I watched Jupiter attentively, nodding occasionally at her comments to show that I was invested in what she said. Distracted with my guilt and Jupiter's instruction, and Jupiter's over all presence I did not notice Laxago's arrival until Jupiter's speech broke off and she took a defensive stance. I didn't notice her still when Jupiter reached the height of her reaction, hackles raised and teeth bared. I had no reaction to offer the sudden onslaught of action that surrounded me so I stood, perhaps slightly stiff legged and stared on at Jupiter stupidly until I could feel the warmth of a body beneath me, one that spoke with a familiar voice.


who is she? questioned the voice who I found was Laxago, pearly white, with her long curly locks brushed and neat by my account, once I had craned my neck to find the source of Jupiter's displeasure and the curious warmth at my belly. Still stiff-legged I walked awkwardly off of Laxago, transitioning from staring at Jupiter, who had relaxed by now, to Laxago. who is she? the voice echoed. Who is she. Who is she. Laxago's lips were not moving so I knew that the echo was only in my head. The tone was increasingly demeaning and accusing with each repetition. I found myself suddenly filled with anger. I'd only felt frustration with Laxago before and the new and unpleasant onslaught of the emotion physically resembled acid reflex. The base of my throat burned. My stare and stance remained the same. I offered no honest reaction but found that my throat, burning with the new sensation, did the expressing for me. Who is she? both Laxago's words and tone were mimicked.


Laxago had not come to help Deteste in his search. De did not believe that she had even come to give him company. He knew that she had awoken in the night, forgotten that he told her he would be gone in her sleep, forget that in the morning he would be back with the breakfast that she could not obtain herself. That she would not eat herself. But had come with some fictional and frenzied idea that she had been abandoned and replaced within the span of a couple hours. She is our alpha, the only one that will have us after years of searching Laxago. And you will respect her. The words were spoken slowly and with callous. We had not argued before. At least not since before our litter and I could not remember the last time I had been this upset.
I stood silently for a moment contemplating this plethora of new emotion. Before there had been no hope that we would live normal lives. I thought we would wander forever because of Laxago's condition, that we would die just a couple years from now in a winter I could not outlast. I had accepted that and though I continued to visit pack territories the process was mechanical and I had lost any hope. Laxago would not understand this sudden change. She was unstable under such monotonous and repetitive schedule that any slight difference would tear her apart. I did not know what she would do. I am sorry, Jupiter. The apology was a mere whisper. I found my neck craning closer and closer to the ground until my nose nearly touched the damp sod. A knot of dread sloshed slowly down my throat and into my gut, it's weight wrenching. I would lose either Jupiter or Laxago or both. Whether temporarily or not I was unsure but for now I turned to stone.