The Bomb Dot Com
07-19-2014, 11:41 PM
raw v drashiel for spar ROUND ONE
RAW ----- clarity -- 5 out of 10 ; ?...sweeping slightly to the left before pivoting to the right.? where does this place raw in relation to drash? at what angle? and to whose left and right is raw moving? saying ?the left? and ?the right? could be either or (-3). whereabouts about drash?s left-sided neck does raw seek to grasp -- towards the upper portion, middle portion, lower? the neck is fairly broad (-2). powerplay -- 6 out of 10 ; ?...and should he succeed he would strive to hold on and shake?? minor conditional, the success of raw?s head-shaking relies upon his initial bite landing (-2). ?should he fail, then raw would strive to grab hold elsewhere?? another minor conditional (-2). defenses -- 10 out of 10 ; limbs bent, toes splayed, claws gripping, abdomen tensed, tail aligned with spine, head lowered, ears pinned, eyes narrowed, hackles raised, teeth exposed, chin tucked, neck scrunched, shoulders rolled. attack -- 5 out of 10 ; attempting to strike drash?s leftwards chest with right shoulder (+3). attempted bite to drash?s left-sided neck (+2, subtracted a point for clarity issue). injuries -- 10 out of 10 ; first round. round one raw total --- 36 out of 50 DRASHIEL ----- clarity -- 3 out of 10 ; where on drash?s chest does raw?s right shoulder collide? (-2) what damage is done to drash?s chest as a result of the collision? (-2) why does raw?s bite land higher than anticipated? a reason is never specified (-3). powerplay -- 8 out of 10 ; ?...tightening like a spring before unfurling in a violent leap forward and up?? this should have been made as an attempt, since the distance between drash and raw is limited (-2). defenses -- 8 out of 10 ; hackles raised, eyes narrowed, ears pinned, limbs spread evenly apart, limbs bent, abdomen tensed, toes splayed, nails gripping, head lowered, tail out, shoulders rolled, neck scrunched, chin tucked, jaws parted. subtracted two points for failure to readjust balance upon his grounded limbs as he lifts his forelimbs, one for each limb lifted. attack -- 4 out of 10 ; attempted bite to the front of raw?s upper neck (+3). attempt to wrap his forelimbs around raw?s lower neck (+1, this isn?t really an attack that would damage the opponent, but it would give drash leverage). injuries -- 10 out of 10 ; first round -- severe bruising to chest (you mentioned the intensity of the damage in your notes, but not the post where it?s needed), moderate lacerations to right cheek, will scar. round one drashiel total --- 33 out of 50 ROUND TWO
RAW ----- clarity -- 0 out of 10 ; ?...it would cause him to swerve his head away from drashiel?? in which direction? (-1) where upon raw does drashiel?s bite land? you say the ?middle side? of his neck but that didn?t make much sense (-2). which part of raw is intending to push against which part of drash? (-4) ?...his left paw shot out to hook around drash?s right?? this seemed odd/unrealistic to me due to the fact that drash?s paws aren?t grounded, so the maneuver would be ineffective anyway. it is also not clarified which paws are being targetted/used -- front or back? (-3) ?raw?s head would then snap back towards drashiel?? which way? (-1) where upon drash?s right-sided neck does raw hope to grasp? (-2) from where upon drashiel is raw hoping to bring himself perpendicular to? (-2) powerplay -- 5 out of 10 ; ?...and in turn raw would push forth?? this should have been made as an attempt (-2). in regard to raw attempting to bring himself perpendicularly to drashiel, this should have been made as an attempt since drashiel has the power to pivot with him (-3). defenses -- 10 out of 10 ; eyes narrowed, ears pinned, toes splayed, nails gripping, hackles raised, shoulders rolled, neck scrunched, teeth exposed, tail out, head lowered, weight evenly distributed. attack -- 3 out of 10 ; attempting to launch himself forward to unbalance drash (+1, points not awarded in full due to multiple clarity issues). attempting to hook his left paw around drash?s right (+0, points not awarded at all due to clarity issues). attempting to bite into the right side of drash?s right-sided neck (+2, subtracted a point for clarity issue). injuries -- 7 out of 10 ; deep lacerations to neck, will scar (-3). round two raw total --- 25 out of 50 DRASHIEL ----- clarity -- 5 out of 10 ; it was stated in raw?s previous post that raw was moving to his own left to bring himself perpendicular to drashiel, so it didn?t seem realistic to me that drashiel would manage to successfully land his left forepaw on raw?s right whilst raw is moving in the opposite direction. you also acknowledge raw pivoting in your post, but no movement is made by drashiel to keep them head-on to make this attack possible (-3). what does drashiel hope to achieve with a bite to raw?s forelimb? (-2) powerplay -- 7 out of 10 ; ?raw pushed his chest into drashiel and drashiel pushed back?? should have been made an attempt (-1). ?if he could seize hold he planned to shake his head violently?? minor conditional (-2). defenses -- 10 out of 10 ; chin tucked, abdomen tensed, limbs bent, hackles raised, eyes narrowed, ears pinned, limbs spread evenly apart, weight distributed equally, toes splayed, nails gripping, tail out, head lowered, shoulders rolled, jaws gaping. attack -- 4 out of 10 ; attempting to break raw?s right front toes with his left forepaw (+2, point subtracted for clarity issue). attempting to bite into raw?s left forelimb, just below the elbow (+2, point subtracted for clarity issue). injuries -- 8 out of 10 ; moderate puncture wounds to back of neck (-2). round two drashiel total --- 34 out of 50 TOTALS
raw -- 61 out of 100 drashiel -- 67 out of 100 AND THE WINNER IS...
drashiel! raw must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. DAMAGE
raw -- deep lacerations to right-sided neck (will take five ooc days to heal, and will scar). pending damage from drashiel's second round attacks. drashiel -- severe bruising to chest (will take three ooc days to heal, might complicate moving slightly), moderate lacerations to right cheek (will take three ooc days to heal, will scar due to the thin quality of the flesh on the face), moderate puncture wounds to back of neck (will take two ooc days to heal). NOTES
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here) super sorry for the delay guys! forgot i was judging this xD anyway! um, basically i suck at this part of the judging but, i noticed a slight issue with conditionals on both of your parts. conditionals are basically an easy way to add in attacks without having your opponent respond first -- so you both used the whole skull shaking technique. this skull shaking technique is a conditional because it depends upon the initial bite landing for its success. so, in essence, it is an extra attack that is seen to as slightly unfair, and thus, i take away minor conditional points. otherwise, you guys did pretty well! just watch for details and the like and you're golden! c: judging by [ aly ]
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