I Just Killed My Boyfriend
08-17-2014, 10:38 AM
Synder v Satis for Maim Round 1
Satis: 8 for clarity- -2 I don't find it believable that Satis could throw her right shoulder in an attack while also lifting that paw in another attack. I opted to put this in clarity since I'm not sure if it was just an order issue. Trying to step on the paw then throwing the shoulder would probably have been fine though it might have lessened the force. 10 for powerplaying. none seen, previous error corrected 4/17/14 at 10:45 pm central time by lunarcat7 7 for defenses. +1 for each seen -3 for not readjusting balance among remaining three legs upon lifting her right forepaw 10 for attack. +4 shoulder attack (+1 for severity) +4 jaw attack (+1 for maim attempt) +2 paw attack (-1 for clarity) Good work, very nice! 10 for injuries. first round Round one Total: 45 Synder: 0 for clarity- -2 how's she moving to the left? twisting? side-stepping? -2 how far to the left? I'm assuming she's now facing Satis head on but you need to specify -2 how much damage was done from Satis to Synder's tail? you say cracking, did it break? I also find it unbelievable that she could simply shake off a broken bone like that -2 which paw is she attempting to slam on Satis? again you have to specify we can't assume -2 how's she moving downward? are her legs coiling suddenly is she diving forward and down? ((specifics strike again! xD)) -2 what does she hope to accomplish by slamming her paw on Satis in the second paw attack? -2 where on Satis' rear is she attempting to drape the leg? -2 in which leg is the tendon in she's going for? 4 for powerplaying. -2 you say she sets the paw down after lifting it this assumes that her attack was successful. -2 too much movement you attack her paw and then attack it again? Give your opponent time to respond to the first attack before launching a second on the same target -2 "crown point directly at tendon" this needs to be an attempt 7 for defenses.+1 for each seen -3 not readjusting balance to other three legs after raising paw 5 for attack. +2 first paw attack (-1 clarity issue) +0 foreleg around rear (I really don't see how this would do damage) +1 second paw attack (points deducted for clarity and pp) +1 shoulder attack (points deducted for realism. I don't see how she can get her shoulder down to slam into Satis when she's trying to raise her self up with her foreleg over Satis +1 bite (points deducted for pp and clarity) 10 for injuries. first round Round one Total: 26 Totals:
Satis: 45/50 Synder: 26/50 And the winner is...
Satis! Snyder must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Snyder has also lost her tail. I'll leave it up to you guys to decide if Satis amputates it completely or it falls off later from the injury. Damage:
Feels weird doing this for a 1 round fight as Yumpy hasn't had a chance to state damage. Minor bruising and lacerations will heal in a couple of ooc days. Moderate wounds a week ooc, severe probably 2 weeks. As this was a maim fight though Synder looses her tail as stated above. Notes:
Pretty much everything I want to say is stated above in the notes for each round. Only thing to add is for Starry. Keep an eye on over using pronouns and synonyms. You refer to both Satis and Synder multiple times as "her" and "siren". I had to read through several times to make sure I understood who you were referring to. Try using their actual names more often. I didn't deduct for this but there are others that might. Keep working on your clarity score as well! In some cases it's better to focus on fewer and simpler attacks til you get the hang of clarity as clarity bugs can kill your attack score to. Thanks guys! - By [Lunarcat7]
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