What was promised to me
08-22-2014, 05:51 PM
QUELT v BASS for RANK Round 1
QUELT: 7 for clarity how is he sliding toward Bass? is he on his feet, his belly? his action is not clear and would effect the outcome of his attacks (-1), where on Bass' foreleg is he attempting to bite? (-1), what angle did he approach at/where is he attempting to be positioned? Is he head on, or facing Bass' side or what is he trying to do? be specific (-1) 8 for powerplaying. "his jaws opened to try and clamp down on the forelimb and pull up to flip the youth if he were to gain a grasp" Biting down and pulling up are two separate actions and both must be attempted, and since his attempt at flipping him would depend on getting a grip on his leg it's a minor conditional as well (-2) 10 for defenses hackles raised +1, crouched +1, legs separated +1, weight balanced +1, ears pinned +1, eyes narrowed +1, knees bent +1, tail level +1, tucked chin +1, toes splayed +1 3 for attack. Bite to foreleg +2 (deducted for clarity), pulling up on leg to unbalance +1 (deducted for PP/conditional and for clarity as it would be ineffective depending on body position) 10 for injuries.First round Round one QUELT Total: 38/50 BASS: 9 for clarity- where on Quelt's left shoulder is Bass trying to bite? (-1) 8 for powerplaying. the attack with the right paw makes the assumption that Quelt let go and Bass could put his left paw back down and is at best a conditional (-1), since the elbow is actually quite close to the chest it would be difficult for Bass who is four inches smaller than Quelt to lift his paw up that high to attack unless you assume Quelt is crouched down at that point and would be inneffective otherwise(-2) 10 for defenses. legs bent +1, toes spread +1, claws gripping +1, ears pinned +1, neck aligned +1, shoulders rolled +1, chin tucked +1, eyes narrowed +1, weight evenly distributed +1 3 for attack. +2 shoulder bite (deducted for clarity), +1 paw swipe (deducted for clarity/realism) 10 for injuries. First round Round one BASS Total: 40/50 Round 2
QUELT: 1 for clarity- Where on the neck is he aiming for? what side of the neck? (-2), what part of his shoulder did Bass' attack land? (-1), what effect did Bass' paw swipe have? You mention it landed and Quelt reacted but then failed to say what effect it had or what his reaction was (-1), When he attempts to push Bass "to the left" which left are you referring to, Bass's left or Quelt's left? (-1), Where is Quelt positioned in regards to Bass? You make no mention of him having moved to his side or facing his side but he is pushing him to the left? (-1), Your post is completely out of order so your attacks make no sense as they are, for example his paw is pushing on Bass before he even attempts to raise it (-3) 9 for powerplaying. assuming they are locked together when he attempts to bite Bass -1 6 for defenses. toes splayed +1, ears pinned +1, knees bent +1, tail tucked +1, scruff bunched +1, abdomen tensed +1 3 for attack. bite to neck +2 (deducted for clarity issues), pushing with paw on ribcage +1 (deducted for clarity issues) 7 for injuries. deep shoulder wound -3 Round two QUELT Total: 26/50 BASS: 5 for clarity- Where on Bass' neck did the bite land? (-1), where did Quelt's paw land? (-1), How did Bass move to get into that position? It is unclear how stepping to the right would bring him shoulder to shoulder with Quelt (-2), what exactly was his original position? It was never stated and therefore this is unclear (-1) 5 for powerplaying. "Bass's teeth bit into Quelt's left shoulder and he was able to grab hold of him. Growling through the blood that stained his white and brown muzzle, Bass made no signs of letting go" you can't assume you got a hold, you can only attempt to keep the hold (-1), Too much movement from moving to the side and then back into his original position without giving Quelt a chance to react between (-1), "aided the blue male to rise onto his hind legs, getting out of the uncomfortable position that Bass had forced him in" Bass cannot have forced him into that position as he was never actually given a chance to react to it (-2), two consecutive attacks with the same the head, the headbutt and then a bite with no time react between (-1) 9 for defenses. Ears pinned +1, eyes narrowed +1, facial skin wrinkled +1, shoulders rolled forward +1, chin tucked +1, claws gripping +1, balance centered +1, legs bent slightly +1, tail level with spine +1 8 for attack. headbutt (lol butt) +3, bite to stomach +3 (deducted for PP, added for possible major wound), leg swipe +2 7 for injuries. minor bites to ankle -1, moderate bite to neck -2 Round two BASS Total: 34/50 Totals:
QUELT: 64/100 BASS: 74/100 And the winner is...
BASS! QUELT must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Damage:
QUELT- deep bite to left shoulder 2ooc weeks to heal, might scar BASS- minor bite wound to left ankle 3ooc days to heal, moderate bite to left shoulder 1ooc week to heal Notes:
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here) Notes For QUELT Clarity is what's killing you. You need to get really, really specific about what you're trying to do. Rather than "he attempted to bite his neck" it should be "the top right side of his neck near his ears" or "the bottom left side of his neck down near his shoulder" because although it's up to your opponent in the end where it lands, it's up to you to make it clear where you are trying to get it. Likewise, you need to micromanage your angle and positions. You can't say for certain where your opponent is going to be in their next post but you can certainly have your wolf -attempt- to approach at a forty-five degree angle to their left shoulder at a sprint. Also, you get to make the decision where your opponent's attacks land as long as it's reasonable - be as specific about where that attack lands as you should when aiming an attack. For BASS Particularly watch how much movement you are doing in a fight. You can't make so many big movements in one post(one side and then back again, forward and then spinning around ninety degrees or something) because your opponent isn't given the chance to respond. Likewise, doing two attacks in a row using the same limb even if it's in a different manner does not give them a chance to react to the first one. They could attempt to grab hold of your face to counter your first attack but then there is confusion because of your second attack with that same body part. Trying to keep it to one attack per limb is a decent rule of thumb. Complex attacks with many simultaneous parts rather than "this, then this, then that." Also, like Sei you should make certain to be specific both about where your attacks are aimed, and where your opponent's attacks are landing. - By [Tealah]
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