somewhere between unsure & a hundred
09-24-2014, 10:18 PM
He could hear the strain in her voice, and he knew that he had kept it closed off for too long. Still once he opened that gate there would be no turning back, Natalya would know it all, she would know he was weak, unworthy. ?I had only just turned two years old,? His voice was soft just barely audible. ?We were betrothed, the living arrangements were still being hashed out by our parents so it wasn?t uncommon for us to plan to meet somewhere in between. We were young, stupid, reckless!?
A sad chuckle punctuated his speech. ?We still thought we were invincible, untouchable.? There was a long pause as he clearly tried to organize what no doubt would be the worst part of his story. ?They came out of nowhere, at first they were friendly enough but then one of them tried to mount Abana. She fought it and I leapt on him. I was so wrapped up in protecting her that I forgot about the other one, not till she screamed anyways.? His voice cracked and a stifled sob sent a shudder down his body. ?He was bigger than me, stronger and with the sudden distraction he saw his opportunity. I don?t know if he thought I was dead or if he only meant to knock me out but I didn?t come too till much later.?
His voiced dropped then, softer even than before. ?They were gone, fresh snow covering their tracks and their scents, but not hers, not her blood. She must have resisted, must have made them unhappy.? There was no stopping it now, his vision wavering as he fought the tears. He would not cry! ?I hadn?t even known, not till I saw them. Five tiny pink shapes, their eyes the most developed part of them. They were mine, and I?d failed them.? Helios finally lifted his head tipping it back to stare up at the sun, his voice louder now. ?I was scared Nat. I was scared you?d reject me if you knew, scared that you?d think I wasn?t worthy? Hell I?m not!?
He dropped his head again. ?I?ve never been worthy, but I love you so much. I couldn?t stand losing you. I?m sorry.?
talk, think
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