He'd spent his time in Alacritis trying to be better than the albino bastard that had sired him. And he'd been doing just fine for a while. It was only after he'd lost the pack and became a father that everything had gone downhill. He didn't even know how things had gotten so bad. What had driven him away from his family? From the only people who truly loved him and believed in him? This wasn't the first time that this had happened. The first time it did it was because of illness. Illness had struck the cobalt titan and for fear of spreading the ailment to his family, the man had fled to find recovery on his own. At the time, it seemed like the only logical thing to do, but in hindsight it was by far the most idiotic of plans he'd ever had. Isolating himself had done nothing but bring grief to his family, especially to his wife, not to mention that his isolation almost led to his untimely death. It was only by strength of will that the sickness did not take him and he was able to return to him family, but this time he had no such excuse. In all honesty, he had no excuse this time around. What could he say? There was nothing that he could say that could excuse the abandonment of his family. The only family that he had...that is, if he still had a family anymore.
It had been nearly an entire season since the cobalt knight had been in the lands of Alacritis; now he was back. Was he back for good? Or was he only here to add insult to injury once he decided to disappear, and for good this time? Perhaps it had been fear that had driven the man to leave his family. Fear that they were better off without him, because after all, what could a blind man who no longer could provide children do for his family? Nothing. If anything he was more of a burden than anything else. He couldn't hunt for himself, which meant that he'd had to have someone aid him, bring him food. His time away from Alacritis had been spent scavenging, fighting for scraps of food with smaller predators. How much more pathetic could he get? He had lost his honor as a warrior the moment he had turned away from his family and there was no way of getting it back. He wasn't fit to bear the title of warrior any longer; he was a disgrace. An embarrassment. A failure. He was a sad shell of who he was once a upon a time. He was simply a scarred wolf with no home and probably no family. Why had he come back to Alacritis then? Did he cling to the false hope that perhaps his family hadn't forgotten about him and would maybe take him back? /
Wornout paws of ebony would pull the cobalt beast through the vaguely familiar soils of Alacritis. He had been gone for so long that he didn't even remember where anything was anymore. It was like he was transported back in time, back to when he had first arrived in alacritis to serve beneath Isardis, only this time he served no one and had no one. Or so he thought. Eyes of milky film would be cast downwards, as unseeing as the day that he had left, tattered ears lying flat against his skull, muzzle nearly brushing against the soil. Were anyone who had known him in his prime seen him now, they perhaps wouldn't recognize him. He didn't look like the Taurig that he was once was. He looked tired, broken, worn-out...it seemed like Isardis had won after all. A cool breeze would sweep over him, ruffling his cobalt fur, reminding him that he had been walking the entire day well into the night. His body was screaming for rest, but Taurig refused. He needed to find his family; his children, his wife, his siblings, his friends. Did they still remember him? Had the love they once held for him turned into hatred? Indifference? Were they still even in Alacritis?
His gait was slow, lumbering, as if it hurt to take each new step. And it did. Physically and emotionally. His body was weary from the trek but his emotional weariness weighed heavier on him. Each step he took brought him deeper into alacritis, but each step he took brought back memories. Memories that sliced through him like talons, each hitting its mark, exact and precise, cutting deep to the core. Maija. Of all those he had left, Maija was the one that hurt him the most. His wife...his beautiful wife, the one who had been there with him through everything. The mother to his last litter of children, his queen. Surely she hated him now, loathed him. He knew how she had been before him and he didn't doubt for a moment that his absence had coaxed her back into her old ways. Had she turned away from everyone to take herself into isolation? Or had she found someone to fill the void he had left behind? The titan faltered, stumbling in his walk, nearly collapsing to the ground if not for the sheer will to remain standing. His chest felt tight at the thought of his wife having found another to walk at her side. His throat constricted, tears pricking his blind eyes. It was unrealistic of him to think that Maija would wait around forever for him. She couldn't and there was no way that he could ask that of her...and yet if she had found someone...
Try as he might, he couldn't push the thought away. It clawed at him, its aim true. Why had he come back? Perhaps he should've just stayed away, let himself wither away into nothing until the life finally left his body and he became one with the earth again. His return surely wouldn't be welcome. But he was too far in now; it was too late to turn back. He would find his family, see how they were doing and from there he would decide would be done. Or rather, they would decide if they still wanted him or not. He could only hope that somewhere deep down they could find it in their hearts to forgive him, to remember all that he had done for them and see that this too, in a way, had been for them too.
"Speech"
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