Pink Pandoracorn[festival spar]
10-23-2014, 08:23 AM
Frith v Dayton for SPAR Round 1
FRITH: 5 for clarity. -2 which angle is he approaching Dayton from? You say from his left but be more concise, -1 I?m a bit confused on how he is both aiming toward Dayton's chest/shoulder junction and pulling back at the same time, this is difficult to picture, -1 for a bit of confusion, you say his shoulder is aiming at Dayton?s but only at the end do you clarify it was actually trying to collide with it, -1 for not specifying which right ankle he is trying to trip (could be front or back) 10 for powerplaying. 10 for defenses. Hackles raised, eyes narrowed, ears against skull, lips pulled back, jaws parted, knees bent, weight evenly spread, tail aligned with spine, head lowered, shoulders rolled, claws gripping the soil. 4 for attack. +1 for aiming to collide his shoulder with the junction of Dayton?s chest and right shoulder, +3 for aiming to bite his face, +1 for trying to trip his right paw 10 for injuries.First round. Round one FRITH Total: 39/50 DAYTON: 6 for clarity- -2 Which side did Dayton dart to, to try to avoid Frith's shoulder attack?, -1 "his head would move to the side" which side, and at what angle? There is a lot left up to the imagination here, -1 What do you mean by ?leaping forward?? It is hard to envision this while a wolf is grabbing onto the flesh of another. 8 for powerplaying. -2 I don?t think Dayton could leap forward while holding onto his shoulder/neck, though I suppose he could attempt to push forward? 7 for defenses. Spreading legs to distribute weight, 'knees' bending slightly, ears flattened against skull, lips curled to scrunch skin around face, chin tucked to throat, toes splayed against the ground, head and tail parallel to his back 2 for attack.+2 for aiming to grab the flesh between Frith?s right shoulder and neck 10 for injuries. First round. (light bruising to right shoulder, bitten right cheek) Round one DAYTON Total: 33/50 Round 2
FRITH: 7 for clarity- -1 "he'd shift so Dayton would hopefully go sprawling to the earth" how exactly is he shifting?, - 2 ?aimed his jaws to grab the majority of Dayton's scruff? what scruff do you mean? I?m guessing you mean the right side of Dayton?s neck but this is just an ssumption. 10 for powerplaying. 6 for defenses. Centering his balance on all fours, tail straight with spine, 'knees' bending slightly, claws digging into earth for traction, chin tucked, shoulders rolled 3 for attack. +1 aiming his left shoulder to collide with Dayton's right, +2 jaws aiming to grab his scruff 9 for injuries. -1 bite to junction of shoulder and neck Round two Frith Total: 35/50 DAYTON: 8 for clarity- -2 ?and rolled away? where did he roll away to? Is he literally rolling? 6 for powerplaying. -4 you stated he ?rolled away?, which is blatant powerplaying to say he managed to get out of an attack without acknowledging the enemy?s counter 0 for defenses. none seen. 0 for attack. no attacks 8 for injuries. -1 slight bruising to right shoulder, -1 small lacerations to his scruff Round two DAYTON Total: 22/50 Totals:
FRITH: 74/150 DAYTON: 55/150 And the winner is...
Frith! Dayton must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Damage:
Frith- very minimal bruising/soreness. Daytonvery minimal bruising/soreness, and a small laceration to his cruff. Notes:
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here) Notes For Frith You slacked a bit on defenses in the second round -- remember to keep those up! Also work on clarity in regards to how your character is approaching the opponent. For Dayton Besides the last round (as it seemed to be done for sake of accurately portaying his character), you could work on clarity. It was often difficult to envision exactly what Dayton was doing to move. Try to use more body parts in reference to movements, such as ?leaping? and ?rolling away? so the reader can visualize exactly what he?s doing. PS Sorry it took so long, hopefully this helps still! :) - By [Nyx]
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