The Past Tastes Bittersweet

*Maija* · (This post was last modified: 10-28-2014, 10:17 AM by Maija.)

Taurig spoke and the words that came from him broke her. There were no excuses, no explanations for his absence. He didn't want to fight, didn't want to push her over the edge. His heart was too good, his personality the very opposite of what she was. Maybe that was why they were such a good combination...key word being were. So much had changed and he didn't know about her recent expeditions. A shattered sigh slipped from her lips, followed by tears of frustration and pure ache. She had never known such sadness, such despair, such agony...even when she had dealt with him leaving the last time, it hadn't been this bad.
The feelings that she thought had disappeared remained hanging in the air, like a dark cloud above her golden head. She felt the figurative rain descending upon her spiritually broken frame, causing her to be drenched with the past and all the memories. She clamped her eyes shut, attempting to keep any tears from pushing their way out. Emotions that hadn't been properly worked through rose to the surface, causing her to fall beneath the waters. She tried to stay afloat, thinking of anything to keep her heavy frame from sinking. Sibelle...her children...Cezar...even flashes of Neo's sneering face rose to greet her closed gaze. She began to find the floating pieces of driftwood that would maintain her weight and she struggled to hold on as the currents began to pick up.
She lowered her head so it angled to the ground, nose pointed directly at her front paws. Her body shivered from the aches that began to move throughout her mind and soul, desperately trying to keep the information inside. A part of her wanted to keep it a secret, but the other half knew he would find out eventually. "I...I..." she murmured, unable to come up with anymore words that would work together. Tears fell from her eyes as they opened as she finally chucked up, "I wish...that things were different." Her voice was so soft, but not the beginning of another storm. Maija was done; she was tired and worn out from the rampage.
Ears remained flat on her head as she took another shuttering breath, causing more tears to run down her face. "I wish...that you had never left. That our family could be whole...that I wasn't..." Maija turned her head to look at him, her gaze blurry due to the tears. "I met someone..." Even as she said it, it felt like a knife had run through her chest. She had been happy when she met Neo, but the man had been absent lately, causing her to feel abandoned once more. It was something that hadn't been shared with Sibelle. "And...I had another child..." Her darling daughter, one she wouldn't take back for anything in the world.
The news had been delivered in a big, messy package. Her heart, usually so solid and protected, was now laying at her front paws. Maija felt so low, so deprived of the love she had that was taken from her. She was broken, a side of her that had never showed itself to anyone...not even Taurig. Now, she was raw, exposed, a simple wolf that was like everyone else...Her own worst nightmare. "I waited...for so long, Taurig...I held on for so long..." Her body began to shake again, becoming weak from the many waves of emotions hitting her soul. "I still love you..." That was why she had been so angry for so long, dealt with so much horrible emotions and internal fights. Her feelings had remained, buried deep until he had reappeared. It was more than Maija could stand.
Her body lowered itself to the ground, softly and silently. Her head rested between her front paws as tears continued to fall from her eyes. She surrendered to it, stopped fighting and let it consume her. Soft sobs racked her body, golden fur falling flat against her slender curves. The world fell from around her, leaving her all alone in a darkness she couldn't get out of. Her subconscious took over, taking the autopilot controls. "I need you..." she whispered, voice wet from the tears and rawness of everything. "I need you..." she repeated, tears falling faster and warmer than before. Another sharp intake of ragged breath and she cried, "I need you!" She could feel her reality slowly slipping away, unsure of when it would return...

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