The Past Tastes Bittersweet

It was far too late to try and take shelter from the storm that was Maija. Not that he could anyway. He had already hurt her enough by disappearing from her life; the least he could do was listen to her tell him everything he deserved to hear. You never fought for me...You left and never gave a second thought about what may happen to me...to your family...to our kids. Her voice softened by several octaves and he could hear the tears she shed from the way her voice broke. I was disappointed in you, for just up and leaving when you PROMISED me that you wouldn't disappear again...I lost faith and I lost the ability to even see myself move on...I had told myself that you were it, that you were the one I would spend my life with...After Dragomir disappeared, you had become my knight and stole my heart...and now... Her words buried themselves deep beneath his cobalt pelt, working like double edges knives. Part of him wanted to run to her, to embrace the golden woman, to comfort her and take away all the pain he had caused, to somehow prove to her that this time was the last time he was ever going to disappear on her. But he knew that was just wishful thinking.


The other part of him wanted to turn away and disappear into the night, to find some deep dark corner of the lands where he could rot away like the pathetic man that he was. Yet he did neither of those things, his ebony limbs firmly rooted to the soil that he stood on, his face completely void of all and any emotions as he listened to Maija speak. Standing here, listening to Maija tell him how badly he had failed her, had to be one of the worst moments of his life. The maiming from Isardis didn't even compare to how much this hurt. He would rather go through the maims time and time again if it meant that he never had to hear these words from the golden beauty. These words would haunt him for the rest of his days, even if by some miracle she managed to forgive him, he would never be able to be the same around her or possibly any of his family ever again.


You have nothing to say? After all that has happened? YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY? SAY SOMETHING, FOR GOD'S SAKE! I AM WORTH A FUCKING EXPLANATION. And then the temporary calm gave way to another surge of rage as she demanded an explanation from him. He swallowed down the emotions that threatened to crack his facade, making sure to keep his voice emotionless as he spoke. You're right. You are worth an explanation...I don't have one. I don't have excuses either. I can't apologize because what I have done is far beyond the realm of forgiveness. It's inexcusable and unforgivable; listening to you know has helped me come to terms with that. He would trail off for a moment, working to keep his composure together. He couldn't let her see him break. Not now and probably not ever again. I don't know what you want from me anymore, if you want anything from me at all. I will not beg for the forgiveness I know will not come. I will not ask you to allow me back into your heart. If a stranger is what I have become to you, then it is a stranger that I can remain if you so wish it. I have nothing to offer you anymore; nothing that is of any real value to you any longer. And just like that, he could feel the ice begin to creep over his heart, encasing it in a crystal cage. Even if Maija did forgive him and wanted him back in her life, he wouldn't do it. He had caused her too much harm for him to deserve to be anything more than a stranger to her any longer. It hurt him to think like this, but it seemed like it was the way it had to be. He had lost the fight.


"Burn Baby Burn"