Tapping the Barrel of a Steel Blue .38
10-30-2014, 09:17 PM
RUNE vs KYLAR for POSESSION OF COLTEN AND AMARANT Round 1
RUNE: 8 for clarity: Your last paragraph was quite confusing, it was a bit hard to understand. ?...aiming to land close before the would-be kidnapper though slightly off center and more aligned to Kylar's left shoulder, and turned his head to attack the left side of his father's face.? Its a little drawn on and its easy to lose what you are trying to do. I would watch your wording a bit and try to be more concrete about your movements. ?His shoulders remained tensed, slightly hunched, and his narrowed blue eyes stared through a snarling face as he attempted to snap up and across his father's muzzle and close to his left eye, intending to tear skin and flesh there with his top fangs and across his chin and jaw with his bottom ones.? There is a lot going on there, and the way that you described the bite is a little hard to understand. I get the jist of it, but it still leaves me questioning it. -2 8 for powerplaying. ?......leaping forward to get close to his opponent as he reached his parting jaws at Kylar." - 2 You have to give your opponent the option to move, as well as reaching out towards him needs to be attempted. If both moves were attempted, it would have been fine 6 for defences. eyes narrowed, lips snarling, chin tucked, hackles raised, claws dug into earth, shoulders rolled 3 for attack. bite to the face +3 10 for injuries.First round Round one RUNE Total: 35/50 KYLAR: 10 for clarity: 10 for powerplaying. 10 for defences. legs spread, weight made up for trip attempt, toes splayed, claws dug into earth, neck arched, chin tucked to chest, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, tail aligned with spine, ears pinned 5 for attack. +1 for shoulder check, +3 for bite to the neck, +1 for trip attempt 10 for injuries. minor puncture wounds on right shoulder Round one KYLAR Total: 45/50 Round 2
RUNE: 6 for clarity: ?Pain lanced from the punctures but the location of the bite...? How severe was the bite? -1 ?...when he felt his father's bite connect to the upper portion of his neck, closing around skin and fur closer to his skull...? What side of the neck was bitten? -1 ?It momentarily stole the breath from his lungs, startled him with the suddenness of it...? Did it bruise? How badly? An attack that is hard enough to take the breath from his lungs would be a moderate chest bruise. -1 ?Rune attempted to bite Kylar's shoulder...? What shoulder? -1 10 for powerplaying. None seen 6 for defences. Weight shifting to catch balance, ears pinned, lips snarling, eyes narrowed, shoulders rolled, tail aligned with spine 4 for attack. +1 for shoulder check, +3 for bite to shoulder 7 for injuries. Moderate puncture wounds on left side of the neck, close to the skull. (decided by judge) -2 Moderate bruising to the front of the chest -1 (decided by judge) Round two RUNE Total: 33/50 KYLAR: 7 for clarity: ?...teeth sinking into the heavy flesh of his shoulder...? What shoulder? -1 ? Rune?s teeth would find their mark, but as soon as Kylar began to feel pressure the massive male would attempt to swing his hips...? Where did they bite into? How hard? -1 ?Jaw muscles tensed, attempting to dig fangs as deeply into flesh as possible before he would attempt to begin shaking. Head would be thrown back and forth as violently as possible in their close quarters.? There is a lot of conditional in that attack, if Rune was able to break free from the attack the severity wouldn't matter. -1 10 for powerplaying. None seen 10 for defences. muscles tightened, weight shifted to make up for tripod stance, toes spread, claws dug into earth, neck arched, chin tucked, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, tail aligned with spine, ears pinned 4 for attack. +3 for grip attempt, points docked for conditional, +1 for knock down attempt, 7 for injuries. moderate bruising to the center of the chest -1 moderate lacerations on right? shoulder -2 Round two KYLAR Total: 38/50 Round 3
RUNE: 8 for clarity: ?...his own bite had managed to find its mark, and Rune gripped as strongly as he could in his attempt to use the bite as a stabilizer against his father's violent attack.? Where did the bite land? How severe? -1, ?...punctured deep into the skin now beginning to rip and tear with each movement of his muzzle.? Again, how severe is the bite and tearing? -1 10 for powerplaying. None seen 7 for defences. weight balanced, muscles tense, tail aligning with spine, ears pinned, claws dug into earth, neck lowered, shoulders rolled 5 for attack. +4 for grip attempt, +1 for bite to neck 6 for injuries. Severe laceration wounds on left side of the neck, close to the skull. (decided by judge) -3 Moderate bruising to the front of the chest -1 (decided by judge) Round three RUNE Total: 36/50 KYLAR: 7 for clarity: ?Rune?s teeth would latch squarely onto the base of Kylar?s neck, just above his shoulder and teeth would sink into tender flesh.? How severe is this wound? -1 ? Rune?s teeth would release their earlier hold and then immediately seek another on the side of Kylar?s neck.? You already stated this attack landed. -1 ?Rune?s teeth would miss their intended mark and instead hit his chest, teeth scraping painfully against bone as Kylar felt flesh separate from his general mass.? You already stated that the bite landed on his neck, but now they have misses and bit into his chest? -1 10 for powerplaying. None seen 10 for defences. weight evenly distributed, muscles tightened, toes spread, claws dug into earth, neck arched, chin tucked, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, tail aligned with spine, ears pinned 4 for attack. +1 for jab to the nose, lost points from attack landing confusion, +3 for bite to upper neck and attempted hold 6 for injuries. moderate bruising to the center of the chest -1 Severe lacerations on right? shoulder -3 Round three KYLAR Total: 37/50 Totals:
RUNE: 104/150 KYLAR: 120/150 And the winner is...
Kylar! Rune must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Amarant and Colten now belong to Kylar and and freed from Secretua ranks. Damage:
RUNE : Severe lacerations on side of neck will take 3 OOC weeks to fully heal and will scar, bruising to the chest will fade in 2 OOC weeks. KYLAR : Bruising to the chest will fade in 2 OOC weeks, severe lacerations on shoulder will take 3 OOC weeks to fully heal and will scar. Notes:
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here) Notes For Mouser Watch your clarity points, you lost a lot of points not stating how severe wounds were, as well as not specifying attack areas. And add more defences in! Its a super easy 10 points there, and that is what killed you here. If you are looking for a list of defences, I will be more than happy to provide you with them. Also go for more varied attacks, and remember that you are allowed 3 attempted attacks per post, ie: ramming, bite, and then a trip. For Dee Same thing with not stating the severity of wounds. You were really specific in your first post which was awesome, but then you just lost it. Also watch the confusion about attacks landing, and also on conditionals. Otherwise, good fight you two! - By [Evelyn]
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