Valentine, Sing Me My Lullaby {Valen}

VALENTINE:
10 for clarity: All clear.
6 for powerplaying. “His lowered head would roll to his left, jaws flinging wide as he attempted to clamp his jaws across the smaller fae's eyes.” Head roll and jaws opening need to be attempted. -2 “Simultaneously his right forepaw would lift and be extended to the right quickly before swinging forcefully to the left in the hopes of  pushing not one, but both of his opponent's forelimbs out from under her with his foreleg.” Lifting of the forepaw, as well as moving it to the left need to be attempted. -2
10 for defences. Head lowered (next time state “to align with spine” to make it more of a clear defence), shoulders rolled, stance widened, knees bent, toes spread, ears flattened, eyes narrowed, hackles raised, muscles tense, tail level with spine
7 for attack. Slam to the upper neck +3, bite to the eyes +3, tripping of both legs +1 (lost points for PP)
10 for injuries.First round

Round one VALENTINE Total: 43/50

ANZHELIKA:

2 for clarity: “his body also slamming into her top middle backside, right in the middle of her spine.” How is this possible if they are standing face to face? -2 “male in the lower part of the jaw/chin area” Which is it, jaw or chin? Be more specific. -2 “She would take the position that she was forced into as something useful, quickly swinging her head down and shoving it up with one, two, three, four! Strikes up” You said that his bite landed on her ribcage, meaning than Valentine's head is no where near Anzy's. -2
2 for powerplaying. “The woman would quickly bend down, dipping her crown low.” Must be attempted -1, “quickly swinging her head down and shoving it up with one, two, three, four!” First off, this is major powerplaying. You cannot continue to strike more than once with the same attack. Secondly, this attack must be attempted. -3 Double leg pull was not addressed -2 “Instead of biting her face, the brute would have missed and clamped down onto the woman's rib cage on the right side,” I find it very hard to see how they would miss her face but land on her rib cage if they are standing head to head. -2 “...his daggers digging furiously into her ivory pelt.” How bad is this wound? -2
10 for defences. Shoulders rolled, legs spread, legs bent, toes spread, claws dug into earth, tail aligned with spine, head aligned with spine, hackles raised, neck scrunched, ears pinned
0 for attack. Head slam 0. Sorry, but since the attack is a minor attack and usually rewarded 1 point and it had a lot of PP in it, this attack gets zero.
10 for injuries. Severe laceration to right ribcage (decided by judge),

Round one ANZHELIKA Total: 24/50

VALENTINE:
9 for clarity: “At the same time his right hind paw would rise, toes splaying out stiffly as he attempted to kick forward and drive his claws into Anzy's left eye in a blinding blow.” Weight not shifted to make up for standing on two legs. -1
7 for powerplaying. “his head snaking down and tilting to his left” Must be attempted. -1, Too many attacks (Choking, kick to eye, bite to shoulder, squishing)-2
8 for defences. Not shifting weight after wrapping both front forelegs around Anzy. -1, ears folded, eyes narrowed, hackles raised, tail aligned with spine, shoulders rolled, weight adjusted for standing on one leg, toes splayed, leg bent, muscles tensed
7 for attack. Choking/hold around neck +2, kick to the eye (Really Laz? xD) and stunning blow +2, bite to shoulder +2, attempt to flatten +1

9 for injuries. Moderate bruise to sternum -1,

Round two VALENTINE Total: 40/50

ANZHELIKA:
0 for clarity: “drawing a small gash under her topaz audit” First off, there are many different colours of topaz, so this does not say what eye the blow landed on. Also, audit is ear, not eye. -2 “The pale woman would lash out once again, seeking to grip the soft flesh of his underbelly and rip the flesh. If she would succeed, her daggers would rip away at his flesh, giving him a fresh wound.” Conditional, also where on the belly? -3 “She'd take a deep breath and bunch up all of her strength into her limbs and back, hips, tail, and hind legs swaying and lashing around as she tried to free herself from the brute's trap. Finally, she'd squirm out from beneath him, but not before regaining her breath, already feeling the bruises form across her back.” It is very unlikely that she will be able to wiggle out from under him. She is 36 inches and 141 pounds, while Valentine is 42 inches and 186 pounds. -2 “The woman would finally snarl and lash out directly at his face, aiming left (which would hit his right side.) She'd aim for her top fangs to hit him above the left eye, and her bottom fangs to strike him across his left cheek, just under his eye.” What is she lashing out with? What eye is she aiming for? -2 “If she would succeed, her jaws would clamp down and drag across the soft, exposed skin of the male's flesh, ending at the tip, and bottom of his left Sapphire audit.” Conditional again, and again audit means ear. -1
0 for powerplaying. “right shoulder blade, where the midnight brute had sunk his fangs into her flesh, yet again. A sudden kick to the side of her face would make the ivory woman lash out with a snarl, drawing a small gash under her topaz audit, already feeling the wound begin to drip with scarlet.” Neither of these attacks state the damage taken. -4 “She began throwing her head around as she attempted to catch something-- anything, within her grip. The pale woman would lash out once again, seeking to grip the soft flesh of his underbelly and rip the flesh. If she would succeed, her daggers would rip away at his flesh, giving him a fresh wound.” Way too much movement, also you cannot force your opponent to take damage by flailing about. -3 “already feeling the bruises form across her back.” How severe? -2 “She'd take a step back,” Must be attempted -1
10 for defences. Shoulders rolled, hackles raised, neck scrunched, legs spread, toes splayed, claws dug into ground, head aligned with spine, tail aligned with spine, ears pinned, lips snarling,
2 for attack. Wolf claws are not sharp, they will not break through the tough skin along the back or shoulders. Face, maybe, but hardly. Bite to face +2 (points lost for clarity)
2 for injuries. Severe laceration to right ribcage (decided by judge) -3, Moderate lacerations on right shoulder blade (decided by judge) -2, minor laceration under eye (decided by judge) -1 , Moderate bruising across her back (decided by judge) -1, Moderate bruise to the top of head (decided by judge) -1

Round two ANZHELIKA Total: 14/50

VALENTINE: 83/100
ANZHELIKA: 38/100

Valentine! Anzhelika must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.

Valentine: Moderate bruise will fade after 1 OOC week.

Anzhelika: Severe laceration to right ribcage will heal after 3 OOC weeks and will scar, moderate lacerations on right shoulder blade will heal after 2 OOC weeks, minor laceration under eye will take 1 OOC week to heal, moderate bruising across her back will take 1 OOC week to fade, Moderate bruise to the top of head will take 1 OOC week to fade.

Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here)

Notes

For Lazuli

Great fight! Like holy cow I didn't know you could fight this good. Awesome attacks, just watch too much movement and making sure that you attempt all movements that your opponent would be able to alter/stop.

For Misha

Okay, so you have some stuff to work on. Remember to state just HOW much damage you are taking from the opponent, as well as being specific about where you are attacking. You lost a lot of points on clarity and powerplaying, so just watch that a little. Attempt all movements against your opponent, as well as being specific about how your character is standing. I know you are trying to sound pretty by using fancy words too, but make sure you know what they mean! Audit is an ear, not an eye so it was rather confusing. Try making more attacks, as well as making them more varied.