WHEN WILL I LEARN

“O you who know what we suffer here, do not forget us in your prayers.”


He should've known by the way the air hung thick and heavy and cold that the day would not be a kind one.  Morning broke with foul fog and tension humming through the air and vibrating through his bones and something in his spirit told him to stay in his den.  Oh foolish King, how small and insignificant you are to the greater cruelty of the world...

All the same he strode from the heart of his kingdom into the wilds of the north in search of prey.  Despite the unease he felt the hunt had been successful.  He'd also had the opportunity to get to know Baldur, one of the new recruits to Regium who had offered to join him on his hunt.  The pair of men were hauling back a young elk when Drashiel felt the stab of darkness in his gut.  An intense, pervasive wrongness so strong it about made him fall over.  Instinct and intuition prompted his jaws to let loose the elk leg as he barreled for home with his heart pounding in his throat.  Baldur shouted to him but he did not hear.  He could only run and pray that this sudden feeling was just a bit of paranoia.  It was all in his head surely.  He'd rush to the den and find Roman watching their children play.  Please... please

Each footstep closer only filled him with more dread, he caught the scent of bear… the scent grew stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger…. oh heaven.  Each step closer to home should've meant joy, love, warmth but now each step only brought fear, hate and agony.  Blood.  Blood.  He could smell the blood.  A howl broke free of his jaws but in his heart he knew it would be to late.  Bile began to rise hot in his throat but fury forced it back down, defenses flew into place for what might be his final battle and the male dove in with snarling jaws.

I must not fear...

Snarls of pain and anger both his own and the bear's, flesh ripping, blood spilling, both his own and bear's.  A flash of white let him know that Baldur had joined as well.  SLAM!  Drashiel yelped as he was tossed to the side as if he were nothing more than a pup, blood spilling out his sides from four long gashes along his ribcage.  He couldn't remember ever feeling this fragile, this much like a pup, a pup hoping his father would come in to chase the dark away...

Fear is the mind-killer

Dammit… dammit…. but he bit back the pain, he choked it back for all it was worth.  No, Drashiel had found his way out of the dark on his own.  He'd never needed anyone to rescue him and he would never never let down those he loved.  He would drive these bears away.  He would save Roman. He would save the pups.  He would not die…. surely… surely they'd live…. please, please, please, please…. how amusing the spirits must've found it to see how easily a mighty king was given to begging.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration

The bear turned, heading back for Roman or towards the den, Drashiel could not be sure.  He heard yowling to his left to see the bloodied form of his compatriot as the other struggled to keep his own adversary's attention.  This was useless, folly, What decision was this?  What true parent would not, at a moments notice, give their life to save that of their child?  To protect that bond of love?  Even if it meant they might grow to hate him for leaving them on their own so soon.  How could he for even one filthy second think of running away?  To destroy everything he stood for and everything he loved for so useless a need, a life that could not even be called a life.

I will face my fear

Shaking limbs stood as Drashiel rose to his feet.  Fire burned hot in his eyes as a snarl erupted from him so violently it was hard to believe that the beast it erupted from was a mere wolf.  The bears turned, next to him strode Baldur, the pair of wolves chewed and bloodied.  Ice blue gaze moved to glance at him and the King nodded.  Not even a second later he dove in again, into the furious mass of pain and rage, fur, claws, teeth, blood…. hope….

I will permit it to pass over me and through me

Drashiel fought past the fear and gave wholly in the nobelest violence.  To save the ones he loved he would move mountains, he would capture the sun, he would destroy an entire army of bears just so that they might be able to see one more sunrise.  

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path

Drashiel seized the left ankle of one of the bears and gave a pull sending the already unbalanced creature toppling forward into the dirt.  Baldur dove in for the beasts muzzle and with a few more well timed maneuvers Baldur was racing out of Regium territory with two bears hot on his heals and even though Drashiel had only known him a short while he trusted the other to lead the enemy far from the territory of their home.  He whispered a silent prayer then turned….

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing

Roman was lying there, far to still, hope choked in his throat but still he could not let it go.  Surely the blood was not hers… surely she was only pretending to throw the bears off?  "R-r-roman?"  Drashiel leaned down to nuzzle her cheek as he struggled to find his voice.  "Love…. l-love…. please…. please…. please… "  he spoke the words over and over like a mantra, like a spell that would bring her back to him.  The King moved to rest his body around his fallen Queen.  Cradling her broken body next to his own battered frame.  

Only I will remain.

"Speech"