WHEN WILL I LEARN

Oh, darkness- I feel like letting go...
The darkness was welcoming. It's mouth stretched wide and swallowed her whole. Was this what death felt like? She felt like she was floating- and she didn't feel any pain, or her body for that matter. It was paradise, and utter state of nothingness. She had no thoughts, no pain, no feelings. Was this heaven? Why was it so dark? Was it hell?

"R-r-roman?" .... "Love..... I love... please....please....please..."

The voice hit her like an icy blast, shattering the oblivion around her. She stirred slightly, and whined. It was a frail sound, and mentally she cursed it. She knew that scent and that voice though- Drashiel? Was he here too? "Dras-" She whispered hoarsely, as her eyes fluttered open. Her body was numb, and she was unaware of how broken her once beautiful body now was. Broken hips, and gouged lacerations let her life blood seep into the snow beneath her. But Drashiel was there. He'd make everything better, right? He'd make her feel again?

There was a slight stirring, she could hear faintly over the roaring in her ears and she then scented Greek. Greek was here. Could he see the dumb smile plastering on her face? She couldn't feel her face? Was she smiling? They were here! Her men. "ink i 'rewed up." She muttered, her voice garbled. "Roman... No..." Greek murmured bleakly, grief pooling in his green gaze as he approached. He'd heard the skirmish, but hadn't gotten there quick enough. A sinking feeling filled his gut, as he halted a mere foot away to give the wolves space. What would he do without her? Could he survive? She was his best friend... his confidant. Grief pooled in his eyes as he bowed his head.

She slipped back into an unconcious state, floating again, but this time she could hear the voices around her. Integra? Roman fought the darkness, wanting to get back to her children. She couldn't die on them! She couldn't! Atreides? She could smell him. Siri? Bellona? Her children needed her.

with all of the strength, all of the courage- come and lift me from this place....

It was like she was swimming in tar, she was being sucked down and down... and down.

Her eyes opened again, and she blinked furiously against the harsh light. She couldn't see her children, but she could smell them. "Do not grieve, my loves. I would rather die for you- than in meaningless battle." She murmurred. Her voice had gained some strength. "I'm okay. I can go like this." She said- this was directed to her mate, her King, her love. She knew that her death would destroy him, but Gods that wasn't what she wanted. There had been a moment of clarity in the darkness. She knew she was beyond the help of a healer- she knew she was going to die, she just wanted him... to be happy. "Promise me you'll take care of our children, best that you can...." She rasped, "and... try.. to be.. happy." She broke off with a spasm of coughing. The harsh hacking sound was mixed with a shrill whine as the movemeny jostled her broken hips, and blood spewed from her mouth, staining her muzzle. "If there is an afterlife I'll be there...waiting." She sighed, and lowered her head back onto the snow. "take care of him... Gree." And the Queen fell silent. There was so much more that she wanted to say. Would Drashiel teach them loyalty? Honor? She had to believe in him. Gods knew he was the perfect one.

Her heart beat slowly in her chest, and it seemed that her life rewinded. She remembered playing with her mother and siblings, and her mothers death. Seeing her mother's body flayed before her eyes before she'd fled to find her father. The journey to Alacritis- when she'd changed her name to Roman and chosen her destiny. Isardis- the ice king, and perhaps the only rightful ruler of the North. It seemed that the North expunged the other packs.... maybe she hadn't taken the right to rule from his genetics? From Fugue, to meeting Deteste, and taking Tortuga. Building the small pack up from the ground, to Faust and the romance they'd shared...- and then the posion, and the blatant trespassing that had sealed Viridiana not only as a posioner but a trespasser- and Roman's enemy. To the siege, where her allies came to her aid, Athena and Vereux, Isardis, Artemis and so many others. They were willing to die for her cause- to eradicate the evil that was their red ruler.

The siege had failed- not because of their own weakness, but the weakness of the pack who disbanded rather than facing those who sought to destroy them. That was how Regium was born- and how she'd lost her friends and wolves she thought to be her family. Qanik, Gossamir, Ritsuka, August... She could curse them now. She'd miscarried... would her children that were lost be in the after life? Faust had left- to search for.... she couldn't even remember now. Isardis had slaughtered Syrinx in battle, and vanished... And Roman had passed her crown to Azalea... to find a reason to live.

By some sick twist of fate, she'd ended up in these wretchedly boring land again and had taken her sisters crown. She'd rebuilt Regium from the ashes and fell in love with her King. They'd had beautiful children: Integra, Bellona, Atriedes, Sirius, and Narcissa... and they'd ruled together. Perhaps her life hadn't been a total waste? Perhaps she wasn't the mistake she always feared she was. She'd brought five perfect children into the world. Her heartbeat slowed, but mentally she was already slipping away into the darkness. She wanted to stay- and keep talking. Gods, she wanted to stay with her family but she couldn't. The Gods needed her more. As her breathing slowed, she smiled slightly and let out a sigh. Roman Armada had lived for her family- that was one thing anyone could say about her. She would have done anything for them- she was loyal to the Armada name. Yes, Roman lived for her family....

And she died for them.

-exit Roman via death-

Can't feel anything, when will I learn?