Lets Tessellate
01-27-2015, 05:48 PM
Phoebe would settle down onto her haunches and sigh while she waited for Conan's large form to appear. She shrugged her shoulders, trying her best to keep the anxiety and fear at bay. Oh if she could just rewind time. She would turn the clock back to when it was just her and Atlas, to when her biggest concern had been how she was going to get away from her brother long enough to go play around with the brute she had run across the day before. It felt like lifetimes had passed since then. Nothing was the same, nothing would ever be as easy as those early days. She hoped that her children would never have to feel the stress she felt now. She wanted them to just play and have their adventures for the rest of their lives. She knew that was impossible, but she could still wish for it to be so. Finally, after several minutes, Conan arrived. He would keep his distance and would remain silent, only dipping his head in greeting. It seemed like a canyon was between them. A distance that felt nearly impossible to cross. "Conan..." she breathed in a sigh, rising to her paws and taking one step forward before stopping herself, her ears falling back against her skull. She wanted to go to him, to press into his fur, but could she? "Conan, I..." She had planned out every word she had wanted to say, everything she wanted to get across, but now all of her words were gone. She was frazzled and speechless. The new Matriarch tried to steady herself, reminding herself to breathe and think. Two things that seemed incredibly difficult right now. "I have to be honest with you," she finally bust out with, surprising even herself. She had thought that she wanted to just hide away her sins and forget it had ever happened, but she couldn't do that to Conan. He was too good. He didn't deserve her and her broken self. She forced her silver gaze to stay up on his face, as much as she really wanted to stare at her paws as she spoke. "A while ago, back during the winter... I ran into one of Hera and Desponia's fathers. I... I cheated on you Conan. I didn't mean for it to happen..." Her throat constricted with tears and her gaze shined with them. "I wanted to see if he was real. Those months when I was broken... All the memories from that time feel like a dream and it felt like you were getting more distant and the girls were always gone..." Her eyes finally fell from his face, her ears pinned back against her head and her head hung in shame. "I never meant to hurt you... I want to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect sister, the perfect pack member... I fail at everything, I've failed you." Her voice was nothing more than a soft rasp. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. You can leave if you want to... I won't stop you, I won't beg." Oh how her girls would hate her if he left. Although he hadn't been around her or them much in the recent days, he was still a favorite of her girls, especially Hera. How would she explain it to them? |