Lets Tessellate
01-30-2015, 06:41 PM
She had expected him to storm off, for him to be angry, or him to lash out, for him to curse her, for any combination of those things... she wasn't prepared for this. He crumpled under the weight of her confession, shocking and frightening tears running down his cheeks. Phoebe watched, horrified by what she had done to the man she loved. She had done this, she had broken him. Every where she went, everything she touched, she ruined it. It would just be better if she just entrusted Hera and Desponia to Conan, if he would even take them, and just leave. She didn't know where she would go, what she would do, but it had to be better that staying here and hurting those that she loved. That's all she had ever done, even back when it had just been her and Atlas. Her litter mate had always been chasing after her, doing his darnedest to keep her safe from her own reckless actions. She had made it as hard as she possibly could on him and now he was gone. Natalya and Helios had taken her under their wing and she had run off, betraying their family's ideals and sleeping with every man she could find. Even when she came home pregnant with stranger's children they had forgiven her and promoted her to one of the highest positions in the pack and had given her daughters all the love they would have a regular family member. Conan had forgiven her past and had adopted her daughters like his own, but still she couldn't make herself remain loyal and simply give Conan the love he deserved. Unfortunately she had Pantheon to think about now. She was the Matriarch, she couldn't just up and leave. She was trapped here for better or for worse until she found someone suitable to take the throne. A desperate, aching whine left her throat, taking another small step toward him. She wanted to fix what she had broken, but she wasn't sure she could. She was positive the best she could do was pick up the pieces and place them back in the right order. There would still be cracks, there would still be pain. Tears spilled from her own eyes, surprising herself with the wetness on her cheeks. She slowly, step by step, moved closer to him till she was inches form him. Her body craved him. She wanted to mold into him, feel his fur mingled with hers, savor his warmth. However, all she would allow herself to do was lean in and press her nose to his cheek, gently licking the salty tears from his fur if he would even allow her that much contact with him. "I'm not worthy of you..." she whispered, echoing what she had told him the day he had found her all that time ago. She wouldn't meet his gaze, standing as close to him as she could bear but still keeping her eyes downcast with shame. "I break everything I touch. You deserve someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve... not someone like me." She paused, swallowing hard around the lump in her throat. "I love you. I love you so deeply... and my daughters - our daughters - love you too. But I... I can't trust myself." |