Round 1
SOLILOQUY:
6 for clarity:-2 which left paw is he attacking Valen with, which right paw of Valen's is he trying to hit. Silly I know, but you need to be specific. -2 how is he moving his head to get at Valen?
6 for powerplaying. -2 "at the last moment" try to avoid this phrase, it assumes you were successful in closing the distance. -2 the way your subsequent attacks are worded (the last paragraph "As he settled upon the ground…") a lot of it is assuming Valen's still in the same position after the shoulder throw. You need to make sure you give your opponent room to respond.
8 for defenses. +1 for each seen
5 for attack.+1 shoulder attack (-1 for realism, it's unlikely Sol could generate enough force to dislocate Valen's shoulder from that distance) +1 paw stamp +2 bite (-1 clarity)
10 for injuries.First round
Round one SOLILOQUY Total: 34/50
VALENTINE:
7 for clarity: -1 make sure to specify who's right, especially with two males, annoying I know but you need to do it. -1 how far to the left is he moving? -1 which left paw is he lifting? such a pain in the ass I know xD
10 for powerplaying. none seen
10 for defenses. +1 for each seen
8 for attack. +2 shoulder throw +1 maim attempt +3 jaw attack +1 maim attempt -1 realism (I don't find it believable he could twist around that far) +1 paw attack +1 maim attempt
10 for injuries. First Round
Round one VALENTINE Total: 45/50
Round 2
SOLILOQUY:
5 for clarity:-2 where exactly on Sol's chest did Valen strike land? The center? Upper? lower? Too either side? -1 where exactly did the attack on his muzzle land? I have the general idea but I'm not sure what you mean by last inch -2 how is he attempting to align his head? parallel? perpendicular? what angle? - 1 whose right is he twisting his head to? annoying I know but with two males you need to specify who "his" is.
7 for powerplaying. -3 you need to give your opponent time to respond to your attacks. Right after the head butt you have him with four paws on the ground and doing more attacks, Valen could've moved during this time.
10 for defenses. +1 for each seen
5 for attack. +2 head but +1 maim attempt +3 bite -1 powerplaying
8 for injuries.-1 bruising -1 laceration to muzzle
Round two SOLILOQUY Total: 35/50
VALENTINE:
7 for clarity: -3 what is the exact positioning he's trying to achieve, if you use positioning from a previous post you need to state it in full, angle, etc.
10 for powerplaying. none seen
10 for defenses. +1 for each seen
6 for attack.+2 shoulder throw +1 maim +3 bite
7 for injuries. -2 moderate bruising to jaw and shoulder -1 for pending bite damage
Round two VALENTINE Total: 40/50
Totals:
SOLILOQUY: 69/100
VALENTINE: 85/100
And the winner is...
VALENTINE! Soliloquy must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Soliloquy and his family now belong to Valentine/Imperium.
Damage:
Soliloquy: light bruising and lacerations (a few ooc days)
Valentine: moderate bruising (a few ooc days) moderate bite (1 ooc week)
Notes:
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here)
Notes
Good work guys! I apologize if this seems a bit rushed, I have company over.
For Eldarwen
Good fight! Your first round was well done but your clarity started to drop the second round but that's pretty typical for everyone so don't feel down about it. Make sure you give your opponent time to respond and polish up some of your clarity issues and you'll be a good fighter! I was really quite impressed.
For Laz
Great job! Not a whole lot to add that's not above in the notes. You've really grown as a fighter!
- By [Lunarcat7]
