it's a mess

*Rhythm* · 02-26-2015, 09:32 PM

His close presence was a comfort despite the fluttering butterflies in her stomach and the nervousness in her limbs. The now too familiar feeling of desire would creep up on her despite her best efforts to fend it off. Even though their conversation was serious those thoughts would play at the back of her mind, the slight touch they shared was as clear to her as day. She wanted to shy away and give in to the fear that these feelings brought her, but the girl would enjoy his close proximity too much. Though with his words her focus had changed. She wouldn't dwell on their closeness as she relived the hardships that brought her here, the confusion and pain she felt would easily overshadow their intimate conversation.

His expression was quick to change, and as her bright blue and purple gaze fell back to his blue orbs she wouldn't miss the frown. He couldn't know about her struggles unless she told him, and he'd ask her sweetly just what was wrong and she couldn't leave anything out. The dark girl would take in a deep breath, wondering where she should start. There was so much she could tell him, how did she make him aware of how much trouble she was having? A soft whine left her lips unintentionally as she let out the breath, she wasn't used to addressing her problems so directly.

The first was her nights, spending them alone was difficult, though with Shaye's recent presence and the still lingering scent of the wolf before her she was comforted she'd found the nightmares hadn't completely forgotten her. "If you're sure..." her voice was uncertain but she was ready to tell him. Rhythm realized then that if Valentine asked her or to do anything it would be done with very few questions asked. "I haven't been sleeping well," which was complete truth, "In Abaven I shared a den with Motif every night, it's been hard to adjust to being so.. alone." That stung, the words had stuck in her throat as she slowly confessed to her tall companion. "My nightmares are coming back." this was hardly an audible whisper as she admitted the truth out loud.

Her emotions were already slipping from her control and she'd barely started, thoughts of Motif threatened to send her over the edge. "I've seen her since.." she'd been banished, "It feels like I've lost them for good, and it just hurts so bad." Probably the most difficult of confessions would be the doubt of her decision, not that she could take it back or reverse the implications. Regret tried to cloud her vision. Had pleasing her giant once-tour-guide been worth losing her soul mate over? Not that she could ever blame the alpha for this choice. "I keep questioning if I made the right choice. I don't.. I can't place exactly why it was I said yes." Looking for all the right things in all the wrong places? She had her love and devotion at home in Motif so why had it been so impossibly easy to stay here with the blue eyed man?

She had to bite her lip to keep the tears from spilling over, somehow she'd managed to keep his gaze through her speech. Now all she wanted to do was look at anywhere but him. She felt ashamed, and terrible for not fitting in and integrating into the pack with no flaw. How could Valen even want to keep her through all her troubles and self doubt?

""

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